The Legacy - A Twilight Fanfiction
by nano2015
Summary: Edward has lost everything. But then he meets Jacob and the wolfpack, and they prove that no one is lost forever. This story is an LGBT love story inspired by true events, turned into a fanfic. I'm writing it for me, but I hope you don't hate it. Warnings for descriptions of eating disorders and mental health issues.
1. Chapter 1

**Edward**

Edward sat, slumped, on a bench near his house, staring at nothing. After a while, he realized it was snowing. When did it start snowing? He looked up at the clouds that somehow stretched across the sky when he wasn't paying attention. Weird. He couldn't feel the cold. He couldn't feel much of anything.

"Hey!" He turned his head slowly. He couldn't make himself move quickly. Eric was standing barely ten feet from him, clearly training for some team. Black sweats and a black jacket, flecked with snowflakes. He concentrated on the contrast of black against the snow, trying to get his mind to focus. Eric said something, and he made himself switch his focus to Eric's face. "What are you doing out here? It's freezing."

"N-nothing." He forced himself upright, but it took so much effort when all he wanted to do was sit back down and go to sleep.

"Come on, you have to get out of this cold. Jesus christ, where's your coat? It's the middle of February." Eric took his arm, pulling him. He tried to pull away.

"D-don't touch me."

"I'm sorry… You just look like you need some help." Eric didn't let his arm go, so he made himself move faster. Eric kept pace easily. "Where are you staying?"

"Home," he said, turning down his street. When they reached the house, it was cold and dark.

"You're here alone?" Eric asked, glancing from the empty driveway to the dark beyond the doorway. "I don't think you should be by yourself right now."

"I d-don't need your help. I think you've done enough," he said, making to go in and shut the door.

"Edward, come on. You need-"

"Don't tell me what I need." Edward wouldn't look at him. "I don't need you. I don't need anyone."

"I just meant… Look, I knew you liked me. Everyone did. But I didn't know they'd do that to you." What the hell was he talking about? It took Edward's foggy brain a minute to catch up.

"Well, I don't like you anymore. So you can go. Don't let the weird, trans kid tarnish your perfect reputation." He practically spit the words through clenched teeth to stop them from chattering. "My friend will be here in a few minutes. Go away."

"I'm sorry," Eric said, but the door was already shut, and his words fell on the empty porch, useless.

Inside, Edward stood against the door, leaning against it, breathing hard, trying to steady himself. He slid down it, figuring that the closer he was to the floor, the less it would hurt if the dizziness didn't subside. He didn't know how much later, but there was a knock, and then the door was pressing against his back. He managed to scoot away from it enough to let Bella in. When she saw him, she gave a sigh that sounded to his ears like exasperation. She was followed by Mike. He said something, but Edward was beyond hearing it. He felt himself being picked up like a baby and carried somewhere. The couch? No, he could feel a rumble of an engine. And then Mike had an arm around him, guiding him into the house. He stood in the doorway, but even from here, the memories assaulted him.

The kitchen table, the first time he'd seen Brady in person. Jellybean had stolen Edward's muffin. He nearly smiled at the memory. The stove, where Edward had made breakfast, with Brady half asleep leaning against him. He could still feel the weight against his shoulder, the arms around his neck. Mike guided him to a chair, and he sat down.

"Edward…" Bella was sitting next to him. When did she sit down? "You need to eat something." He brought his hands up to rub his eyes, and then he shook his head.

"I'm not hungry," he said. She sighed. He knew what she was thinking. Just scream and cry and let it out already. But he couldn't. He didn't want to cry. He didn't know what he wanted, but he knew he wanted the world to leave him alone. He deserved to be as alone as… His hand made an involuntary fist under the table.

"I have to go," he said, getting up abruptly. But as he stood up, the world tilted sideways, and everything went black.

Some time later, he opened his eyes, noting that he was on Bella's couch. His eyes felt so heavy, and the effort to keep them open was monumental. Bella came in, holding a steaming mug of something.

"Hey," she said, pulling up a chair and sitting down. "How are you feeling?" He didn't answer. That was a dumb question. How was he supposed to know? She sighed. "Edward… Are you trying to kill yourself?" He looked away. "He wouldn't want you to die," she said. She set the mug down on the coffee table and bent to kiss his forehead. "Jesus christ, you're burning up. Mike is going out to get some of your clothes. I'll have him stop and get something for a fever. Try and drink that." She nodded toward the mug. He just looked away. "Edward. You need to-"

"What? I need to what?" He nearly spit the question, and she backed up. "I don't need to do shit."

"You're right," she said. "But people here still love you, and we want you to stick around for the rest of us."

Bella sat at the table with a mug of tea when Mike returned with clothes and medicine. Edward was asleep, had been for a while now. Mike set the bag down on the table.

"I've been talking to your mom," he said, pouring himself a cup of coffee. "I think we need to go visit your aunt."

"But we can't leave now, with Edward the way he is."

"I know. We need to take him with us."

"His parents will kill us," Bella said, but already, she knew that this was the right choice. From the nursery, Michael started to fuss, so she went to pick him up, but when she brought him to the living room where Edward slept on the couch, he squirmed to get down, and climbed up onto the sofa to snuggle with him. Edward stirred and cuddled closer with him. "Edward," Bella said, shaking his shoulder. "Wake up, we need to talk."

"Whatsamatter?" He asked, his voice hoarse with sleep.

"We're planning a trip," she said. He looked up.

"Where to?"

"Clearwater," she answered, and in the look that passed between them, she knew that he knew what that meant. Clearwater meant Esme. It meant Jellybean. It meant Emmett. And it meant Brady.

**Emmett**

Emmett stared numbly at the flames, lost in thought. He'd been sitting there for a while, but he knew that no one was looking for him. He spent most of his time on the beach these days. He got up and dusted off his pants, and looked down at the fire. It'd almost burned itself out, but he still dumped a bucket of water over it. He put his headphones on and started jogging down the beach. He was lost in thought, so he was taken by surprise when he was almost knocked over by something gold and furry. He realized it was a dog when it jumped up on him and tried to lick his face.

"Well hey there," he said, an easy smile spreading across his face.

"Charlie, no! I'm so sorry," he looked up to see a girl running toward him.

"Nah, don't worry about it," he said. "He's got good taste. You new here?"

"Yeah, I just moved here. I'm Kaitlyn, and this is Charlie." She said, picking up the red leash that was trailing behind Charlie.

"I'm Emmett." He offered his hand, and Charlie jumped up as if he had a treat.

"I'm so sorry. He's just never seen the beach before, and-"

"Hey, relax. It's no big deal," he said, scratching behind Charlie's ear. "You wanna get a coffee or somethin'?" They walked down the beach, and he found it easy to talk to her. She was in college for marine biology, studying sea turtles on an internship.

"How long are you here for?" He asked. They'd found an outdoor cafe near the beach, and they were sitting at a table, with Charlie laying at their feet. "You probably need someone to show you around."

"We're here for six months, unless we get a grant to stay longer." Emmett's phone buzzed, and he glanced at it and stood up.

"Crap, I gotta run. It was nice meetin' you. Maybe we can get together again soon."

"Do you want to go diving with us? To see what we do?" She offered, and it was an offer he couldn't refuse.

"Well, now, that sounds pretty cool. Give me a call when you want to do it." He scribbled down his number, and headed back toward Esme and Carlisle's house. Esme texted him earlier that she wanted to talk to him about something. He let himself in the back door, and knocked on the door of her office.

"Hey," she said, turning to him. They went to the dining room table, and he knew that this must be serious. "I've been on the phone with Bella and Hannah all day. We want Edward to come stay with us for a while."

"Edward? Brady's…?"

"Yeah, Bella said he's not doing well, and you've met his family," Esme said, her eyes flashing with anger.

"Yeah. Well, I think it's a great idea. Carlisle's on board too?" She didn't answer right away.

"Carlisle is… as on board as he can be," she said. He nodded. They'd all taken Brady's death hard.

"Well, when are they coming?" He asked.

"They're leaving this evening, and they should be here sometime tomorrow or Wednesday."

"Well alright then."


	2. Chapter 2

Emmett was at Esme's house when Bella, Mike and Edward arrived. He'd met all of them, and he was pretty good friends with both Bella and Mike now, but when Edward got out of the house, he almost didn't recognize the kid. Esme wasn't kidding, Edward wasn't doing well at all. He looked gaunt, pale and sick. Not all that different from how Brady looked when Emmett first met him, now that he thought about it.

"Come on in," Esme said. She hugged Bella and Mike, but Edward resisted the hug she offered, choosing to stick closer to Bella as the group of them went inside.

"Do you want a tour?" Emmett offered.

"I… uh…" Edward looked almost helplessly at Bella.

"Go on, we've all been here before," she said, nudging him after Emmett.

"So, is Ohio still cold?" Emmett asked. Dumb question, he thought, but the silence was deafening.

"Yeah. We got snow yesterday," Edward said. "Is that his room?"

"Yep. That's where you'll be staying while you're here. We didn't have another room we could get ready for you," Emmett suddenly felt the need to apologize to the kid. But then an orange and white ball of fur streaked out the bedroom door and straight to Edward. Jellybean. She purred and rubbed herself against his legs, wherever she could reach. "She's been hiding in the closet in there for weeks now. Looks like she's chosen her new person," Emmett said, watching. After Brady died, Jellybean became a recluse, barely leaving Brady's closet or his scent, except to eat or use her litter box. And he and Esme both had battle scars from trying to take her out of the closet so they could clear it out. In the end, they decided it was best to leave her alone. She'd come out when she was ready. And it looked like she was. Edward picked her up, and she rubbed her face on everything she could reach, climbing up on his shoulders to rub her cheeks on his glasses. Emmett nudged the bedroom door open further, but Edward held back. Alright, later then. Emmett pointed out the other doors, bathroom, his room, Esme and Carlisle's room. Then he took Edward out the back door, past Esme and Bella talking in hushed voices at the table, and into the back yard, where they could see the ocean glittering through the trees. They walked down to the beach, and Emmett, who usually had a knack for knowing what to say, couldn't think of a single thing to say to break the silence. They broke through the trees, and Emmett couldn't help remembering Brady making this exact walk a hundred times.

"It wasn't fair," he said. Edward looked up, and then out over the water.

"What wasn't fair?"

"Any of it. Everything he went through, only to die the way he did." Edward didn't say anything. "But it wasn't fair to you, most of all. Come on, there's something I want to show you." Emmett led the way past Mike, playing with Michael in the shallow surf. Mike nodded his assent to Emmett's unasked question. He'd let Bella and Esme know where they were going. Emmett nodded his thanks, and opened the passenger door of Esme's car for Edward. He drove them North, away from the beach, and up Main street. Jellybean stood on Edward's lap, watching the world go past. Ten minutes pass, then fifteen. He stopped at a different beach, with a long pier, and they left the car to go sit at the end of it. "This was where I was when I made the decision to be his friend. My mom and her boyfriend kicked me out, and he was the only person I had in the world, and he took me in without a second thought. You know, everyone says they know how you feel, but they have no idea, do they?"

"No one says that to me," Edward said. Emmett wanted to ask, but he sensed that Edward had more to say. "Everyone says 'you barely knew him. He couldn't mean that much to you.' Or they tell me I have a death wish and I want to die."

"Do you?" The question left Emmett's mouth before he could stop it.

"I don't know."

"I'm supposed to ask what you're doing to yourself," Emmett admitted.

"I figured. Trust Bella to take a trip all the way to Florida just so you can ask a question she's just as capable of asking herself."

"So what's the answer?" Emmett asked. Edward pressed his lips together. "You know, it's none of my business, but you're not the only one who's punishing yourself. We all are. He was the best friend I ever had. Probably the only friend that really mattered, and now that he's gone, I have no idea what to do with myself. Every day, something new reminds me of something he said or did, or I see something and want to show it to him or tell him about it, but he's just not here."

"Can you show me his grave?" Emmett hesitated. He hadn't been there since the funeral - it made the absence of Brady so much more final. But he'd promised Bella that he would do what he could to help Edward, and he owed it to Brady to take care of the people who loved him, so he agreed. The drive to the cemetery took longer than he remembered, but he would know this drive no matter what. Finally, they reached the gates, and drove through. It was just the way he remembered it, serene and quiet, with a tree or two every few rows. A group of people stood at a grave in the middle distance.

"Esme comes here a lot," he said, breaking the silence. "But this is the first time I've been here since…" he cleared his throat. "It's just too real, like being here means having to face life alone, and if I can avoid it, I don't have to admit that now that he's gone, I really don't have anyone left."

"But you have all of us," Edward said. "You aren't alone. Brady wasn't the only one who took you in that night, Esme did too, and I can bet she sees you as just as much her son as Brady is."

"I'm just saying, that's how I feel," Emmett amended.

"I know," Edward said. "I just don't know how to fix it." They parked at the end of a row, and Emmett led Edward toward the grave. The group of four young men stood at the grave, waiting for them.

"Edward, I want you to meet some people," Emmett said. "This is Sam, and that's Jacob, Embry, and Jared." He indicated each in turn. "They knew Brady when he was younger." There was a long silence as Edward processed this, staring at the group as if they were ghosts. Finally, Sam started to lead his group away.

"No, stop!" Edward said. "Please don't go. I have so many questions." Sam didn't stop, but Jared and Jacob did. Embry reached out and grabbed Sam's arm, and nodded with his head at the other two. "How did you know him?" Edward asked. Jared and Jacob looked at each other, and then back at Sam who nodded in defeat.

"We were held by the same group that had him. That's where we all met. I'm sure you know what kind of group that was…" Jared said. Edward nodded. "Detectives caught Brady's handlers, but it wasn't until Brady talked that they knew how big the operation was, or that the rest of us were still in the middle of it. Brady's information gave them what they needed to get us out."

"But it wasn't just that," Jacob piped up. "He was kind to all of us. Sort of the glue that held us together when most of us were ready to give up." Jacob looked at the headstone, and then Edward looked at it, really looked at it, and Emmett felt, more than saw, him tremble and start to sway, and put a steadying arm around him.

"Maybe we should go find a place to sit," Jacob said, looking from Edward to Jared.

"There's a bench back that way," Jared said, gesturing toward a group of bushes. Jacob jogged over and said something to Embry, who seemed to be using some kind of sign language. Jacob nodded, and Sam seemed to agree, and then Jacob jogged back.

"My brother thinks it would be best to get something to eat. Edward looks like he could use some food, and it'll give us all a chance to talk. There's a cafe not far from here. We can walk if you're up to it." He was talking to Emmett, but his eyes flicked to Edward.

They walked together out of the cemetery, and across a street to a small restaurant. Sam and Emmett pushed a couple small tables together, and a waitress came out with menus and water glasses.

"So you're brothers?" Edward asked. Jacob gave a quick smile.

"Just me and Embry. Our parents brought us on vacation here, and that's when we were taken. It made the news for a while." Jacob and Embry looked almost like flip sides to the same coin, with similar faces, but Jacob was blonde, and Embry's hair and eyes were very dark. "And, just in case it comes up later, Embry can't speak, but we all know his sign language." Edward perked up at this. A memory of Brady came to mind.

"Brady knew that sign language, too. I thought it was ASL, and I wondered where he learned it, but he said his friend taught him. That was you," he said. Embry gave a tight lipped smile and nod.

"Brady helped him create it," Jared said, the hint of a smile on his face.

"What happened to make it necessary?" Edward wondered. And then he seemed to realize what he asked, and his eyes widened. "God, I'm sorry. I just- I wasn't thinking." Embry shook his head and gave a sad smile, and moved the collar of his turtleneck to reveal and scar that went all the way across his neck.

"A punishment. For trying to escape," Jacob explained.

"You mean, they-" Edward visibly paled. Sam sighed in exasperation.

"You guys are going too fast. Can't you see it's too much, too soon?" Jared got up to go order some food, and Sam took his seat, next to Edward. "My turn to ask questions. How did you meet Brady?"

"I'm friends with his cousin Bella. She thought I'd be a good person for him to meet since he didn't have any friends besides Emmett and they wanted him to get to know someone new. Good practice or whatever."

"And he was willing to meet new people?"

"Not at first," Emmett piped in. "At first, he made me do the typing." He looked apologetically at Edward. "Sorry. But they were his words, he just needed a little encouragement to write them himself. But after the first day, it was all him."

Emmett caught Sam's eye, and Sam made it clear he wanted to talk in private. Emmett nodded and got up. Once out of earshot, Emmett turned expectantly to Sam.

"I want to know about Edward," Sam said. "The kid looks like he's about to collapse. That can't just be from missing a friend." He spoke as though from experience. Hell, he had more experience than most people.

"They were more than friends. They had a relationship that was… Something special. The kid might be just a teenager, but their connection was way beyond some teenage crush. But his family doesn't get it. His brother's the jock at their high school, and a big bully. He caught Edward and Brady kissing at Christmas, and it got ugly. But then something happened at some party, and he still won't talk about it. And he's got a serious eating disorder that, according to Bella, he was recovering from, but it's obvious he's relapsed. And after everything, can you blame him? Bella thinks he has a death wish, but it's not that simple. She brought him here in the hope that someone here could help him. Otherwise, he's going to end up dead."

"And that's why you called us," Sam said. "Well, we'll do what we can. Maybe it'll give him some closure." A tap on his arm made Emmett jump. Embry signed something, and Sam translated. "Edward's reached his limit for now. Take him home and let him rest. We'll be by the house in a couple of hours."

"Of course," Emmett nodded.

"Or maybe go get your car. The kid looks like he couldn't walk more than a few steps. He's really sick." Jacob said, joining them. "Reminds me of… something." He finished at a warning look from Sam. Emmett looked over at the table. Edward had his head in his hands, and what was visible of his skin was almost ashy and paper white. He could tell he was shaking from here. Jared was in the chair next to him, a hand on his back, talking to him.

"Yeah. I'll get the car. Stay with him?"

"Of course," Sam said, going back to the table. "Hey," he said. When Edward didn't look up, he circled him and crouched in front of him. "Hey," he said more firmly. "Edward, breathe. It's okay. Come on, man, breathe."

"Water," Jacob said, offering a glass. Edward raised his head, but his focus was all off. "He's going to pass out," Jacob said, just ask Edward slumped, his head striking the table top.

Emmett brought the car around, and Embry and Jacob helped him put Edward in the front seat.

"You guys go with them, and Jared and I will meet you at Esme's in twenty," Sam said. Jacob and Embry got into the back. Once they were out of sight, Jared turned to Sam.

"We have our work cut out for us with this one."

"I know, but we owe it to Brady. And in the end, isn't Edward one of is anyway? A friend of Brady's is a friend of ours."

"I just hope he's not too far gone," Jared said, getting into their car.

"We weren't. Brady helped bring us back. Now we need to help bring Edward back."

Edward woke up in a strange room. Pearl gray walls, and light streaming in from windows on either side of the bed greeted him. He knew this room, but not from being in it. From pictures? Brady's pictures. This was Brady's room. He jolted upright, but then his head started to spin and he fell back against the pillows. He didn't want to move anyway, he decided. He felt some weight on his chest, and then the rumble of a purr. Jellybean curled herself up on his chest, and he reached a heavy hand to pet her.

The door opened, and Carlisle came in. He looked sad and haggard, but his expression cleared when he saw Edward awake. He pulled up a chair and sat down.

"Son, we need to have a talk," he said. "I need to know as much as you can tell me about what you've done to yourself and what happened to you. I saw you a month ago, and you looked healthy." Edward hesitated. "Edward, please. None of us wants to bury another teenager. If we could have saved him, we would have. But we have a chance with you. Please don't take that away from us." And finally, the truth spilled out of Edward. He couldn't hold it back. And, he realized, he didn't want to.

"The week before Christmas, Tony had a party. All his friends were there, and they were drunk, and maybe there were some drugs, I'm not sure. But my parents were out of town, and they never stopped these things anyway. But I was in my room listening to some music and talking to Brady on the chat, and some of them came in. And they grabbed me, too many of them, I couldn't stop them." He pulled his knees up to his chest and lay in the fetal position, as small as he could make himself, facing the wall. "They dragged me down stairs, and there was this guy I liked, before. His name's Eric. He was there. They wanted to play spin the bottle. They made me sit with them, and whoever the bottle landed on, got to do whatever they wanted to me. They poured alcohol down my throat. They took my clothes. They did other stuff to me. And they thought it was funny. I'm not really sure what happened next, but I know I was outside, and it was cold. But I couldn't get back in. Not until the next morning when a bunch of them left and the door was open. So I went upstairs and locked myself in the bathroom until my parents got home. And then I couldn't eat. My throat hurt from throwing up the alcohol and whatever else, and every time i try to eat, I just can't get everything else out of my mind. And then I was getting back to normal, and Brady and you all came for Christmas, and it was so perfect. And I thought I could put everything behind me, but then he died. And I realized that there's nothing. No point to any of it. So why should I care what happens to me? Maybe death really is the only escape from all of this."

Out in the hallway, Emmett and Bella stared at each other in horrified shock. They both moved to go in, but Jacob stopped them.

"Trust me," he whispered. "I think we can help him. Let me try." He took a breath, and went into the bedroom. Carlisle nodded and offered his seat. Jacob shook his head and sat on the side of the bed. "When I was raped the first time, I thought the same thing," he said quietly. "They kept me and my brother apart for the first year, until I was malleable to what they wanted. Apparently, my brother was less so, because the first night we were all together was when he got that scar. They told us that if he dies, we all get the same. The only way we got through what we did, was by sticking together. Brady taught us that. We wouldn't be here if it wasn't for him. He told us about you. He said he met the sun," Jacob smiled at the memory. "It was the first time I ever saw him truly happy, but it wasn't the last. He loves you. Even now. And if you don't believe me, you should read this." He got up and went around the bed and put a black journal on the bed next to Edward.


	3. Chapter 3

**Edward**

Edward was restless. He listened to the house grow quiet, as first one, then another person settled in for the night. He waited until there was only silence. And still, he waited. Finally, he slid out from under the blankets, and crept to the window. It make a quiet squeak, but he managed to push it open enough to slide through. The whole house was on one level, so there was no climbing down from anywhere. He walked barefoot around the house, and toward the beach. It wasn't as dark as he thought it would be: the ocean reflected and magnified the moonlight, and made the night almost as bright as the day. He started to walk along the waterline, keeping it to his left. He wasn't sure where he was going, or what he was looking for, but he knew he just had to keep walking.

"Edward?" Jacob's voice startled him out of his thoughts, and he looked up. "What are you doing out this late?"

"I couldn't sleep," Edward mumbled. He knew how dumb it sounded - he was exhausted. But Jacob nodded.

"Could you use some company on your walk?" He asked. Edward shrugged, and they continued on, Jacob keeping easy pace with Edward. "Can I ask you something?" He asked after a while.

"I guess."

"When do you cry?" Edward paused.

"What do you mean?"

"Well, Bella said she's never seen you cry. And from what I've heard, you have plenty of reasons to. So when do you cry?"

"I… I can't." He bit his lip hard, and Jacob stopped him and put a hand on his. He glanced at it, almost surprised to see his nails biting into the palm of his clenched hand.

"You should," Jacob said. "You're allowed to."

"What?"

"Well, we weren't allowed to. Before. It wasn't until someone told me I was allowed to cry that I could." Embry materialized out of the shadows of a nearby building, and from his lack of reaction, it was clear that Jacob knew he was there. He signed something. "He wants to know if you're okay, or if he should text Emmett to help bring you back," Jacob translated.

"I don't want to be there right now," Edward said. Embry nodded once, and fell into step on Edward's other side. "What are you two doing out this late?"

"Embry wanted a stroll in the moonlight," Jacob said. Embry laughed a voiceless laugh. "No, really, we had a feeling you'd probably try to sneak out, and we wanted to make sure you were safe," Jacob said. Edward nodded. They walked on for a while. Finally, Edward asked what had been bothering him for a while.

"Is it hard, not having a voice?" Embry gave him a thoughtful look. And then he began to sign. Jacob kept up a translation.

"No. I'm used to it now, but still, no. It means I can be selective on who I speak to. And it means I pay more attention to how I communicate with other people. I suppose it's not very different from a deaf person, but it's easier because I still have my hearing. Or most of it," Jacob threw in with a quick grin. Embry punched him lightly. "His music is always too loud, and he's going to go deaf eventually." Jacob explained.

Embry shrugged and signed, "At least I won't have to learn to sign afterwards."

"Why don't you have the struggles that Brady had?" Edward asked, watching this easy exchange. Jacob thought for a long moment. Embry began to sign, and when Jacob didn't immediately start to translate, he gave an exasperated sigh, and began to whisper, which until then, Edward had never realized didn't involve vocal chords. Even with a whisper, Edward could hear the Russian accent that added a lilt to his words.

"Brady had the hardest time of it, for one thing. He was alone the longest. He was considered the prettiest, and he was the youngest. In some ways, he was doomed from the start, and there was no stopping that. He also didn't have an emotional barrier to what happened to him, so the things they did hurt him emotionally as well as physically more than they hurt the rest of us. But I think the biggest thing was that he was alone. Even after."

"But Sam and Jared didn't have brothers," Edward said, frowning.

"Sam and Jared have been in love for years," Jacob said, shaking his head. "Maybe it was the trauma that drew them together initially, but then they also had the same handlers, so they had each other."

"And that doesn't bother you?" Edward asked.

"Why would it? Shouldn't they be allowed to be happy after everything they went through?"

"Well, yeah, of course, but…"

"But they're gay," Jacob finished, reading his face. "Actually, I'm not sure if they are, so much as they don't want anyone else, and they're happy without labels. Besides, who else besides each other would understand what they went through? Either way, they're happy, and that's good enough for me. Just like you and Brady would have been, had it all worked out." Edward stopped at that, familiar heartache shooting through him. Embry looked reproachfully at Jacob over his head. "Shit, I'm sorry. I just meant that -" Embry shook his head. Enough. Edward let out a heavy breath. He worked to keep the sadness at bay, but the crushing weight of it would not be stopped.

**Emmett**

Emmett woke up in the middle of the night, and at first, he wasn't sure what it was that woke him. He listened in the darkness for a minute, and then there it was again. He left his room, and hesitated outside Brady's room before pushing the door open. The bed was empty. So was the room. And the window stood wide open. Instantly, he was wide awake. If Edward wasn't here, where was he? The bathroom was dark and empty, and so was the kitchen and the living room.

"Esme," he whispered, going to her room. But he didn't need to be quiet, she wasn't asleep yet, and Carlisle had a shift at the hospital.

"What is it?" She asked, getting up.

"Edward's gone."

"What? How could he be…" She reached the bedroom and saw it empty. A cursory look around the house told her he wasn't there. "Check the beach, I'll call Sam and Bella." Emmett nodded and shoved his feet into tennis shoes by the back door. He jogged the few steps to the tree line, and broke through it. The beach was empty, and there was no sign of Edward anywhere. He jogged a few steps further, but then he realized that without knowing which way Edward went, searching alone would be useless.

"He's on the beach with Jacob," Sam said, when Emmett came back in. Bella was pacing the living room, and Sam was sitting on the couch with a tired-looking Jared. "Embry's out there with them, too. They're safe," he said with a yawn.

"We should be out there with him," Bella insisted.

"Trust me, Embry's-" Sam started, but Bella rounded on him.

"You don't know Edward. You haven't see him fall apart and get torn down over and over. Not just at his brother's party. Or when his boyfriend died. But his entire life. What you all went through was horrible. But he's been through plenty, and he was alone through it. I hope you can help him, but you should know that he's like a brother to me, and I will not see him hurt again." Sam got up, not to oppose her, but just so that she would take him seriously.

"Listen, these boys are my priority. All of them, and when Brady fell in love with Edward, that made Edward one of them. They've all been through more in one lifetime that anyone should have to deal with, and they're never going to go through anything like it again. I trust my brothers to take care of one another, and I assure you that Embry will not allow anything to happen to Jacob or Edward." Bella looked at Emmett for reassurance, and Emmett nodded.

"I trust them," he said.

"It's not that I don't trust you. It's just that so few people have ever been in Edward's corner, that it's easier to expect that to continue than to expect that things will change for him," she said with a sigh. "But if you've got this under control, then I'm going to believe you. God knows, nothing I've tried has worked."

Sam sat back down with Jared on the couch, and Emmett went into the kitchen to make some coffee.

"This reminds me of so many nights with Brady," he said.

"He used to sneak out?" Bella was mildly surprised. Brady never seemed the type.

"Occasionally, but it was more often a thing about nightmares. He had a hard time at night. We didn't get a ton of quiet nights."

"That explains a lot," Bella said. At the question in his expression, she grinned. "He used to send a lot of late night messages."

"Ah." They both looked up as the door opened, and Embry came in. He nodded at them, and went to the living room, looking for Sam. Sam was asleep, with Jared sleeping next to him, and Embry nudged his foot. Sam jerked awake, a moment of panic flooking his face before it cleared. Embry signed something, and Sam nodded, and shifted Jared to the other side against the cushions before getting up.

"What's wrong?" Emmett asked. Embry glanced between the two, and hesitated. Sam put a hand on his shoulder.

"Jacob sent him back to get help. Edward made it a few miles, and it's too far to walk all the way back."

"Which way did they go?" Emmett asked. Embry gestured, and the three of them set off at a jog. They found Edward and Jacob sitting on the sand. Jacob was watching the waves, and Edward was fast asleep, his head resting on Jacob's shoulder. Emmett shook Edward awake and helped him up. He let Edward lean on him for most of the walk back, but at the pace they were going, it took them over an hour to get to the house. They finally walked through the door, and they deposited Edward at the kitchen table to rest for a minute. Edward sagged in the chair, letting his head rest on the tabletop. In the end, it was Mike that shook him awake again, and made sure he got back into bed.

"Well, do you think we can help him?" Jared asked when Mike and Edward left the kitchen. Sam, Jacob, Embry and Emmett sat with him at the table. It was approaching 4am, and they were all tired.

"I think that if any of us can come back from as far as we went, then Edward will be, too," Jacob said.

"Sometimes, it's almost as if…" Jared started

"As if Brady were coming back through him," Sam nodded. "I was thinking the same thing. Maybe he's doing what he always did, and giving us all a second chance."

"And this time, we can't let him down," Jacob nodded.

"What do you mean, let him down again?" Emmett asked, catching the look the others shared between themselves. Embry, Jared and Jacob looked at Sam, as if asking for permission. Sam nodded in resignation.

"Brady… had the chance to escape about five years ago," Jared said reluctantly. "We were all together in a holding area overnight, and usually the handlers kept us all zip tied together, but this time, his ties were loose enough that he could slide his hands out. It was a mistake that could have meant his freedom. He was standing there, and all that stood between him and freedom was a broken window about six feet up, but he was afraid."

"He asked us what he should do, and we told him he should try to escape, but he thought it was a trick. He was tired and hungry and afraid, we all were," Jacob said. "I was closest. I could have boosted him up and pushed him out the window. Freedom was so close. But in the end, he stayed."

"There's no way of knowing if he could have escaped," Sam said. "But he was the only one smallest enough to fit through that window."

"He stayed for us. He didn't want to leave us behind," Jacob said. A sad half smile crossed his face. "And when he was rescued, the first thing he did was make sure the detectives found us."


	4. Chapter 4

**Edward**

Edward was restless. He listened to the house grow quiet, as first one, then another person settled in for the night. He waited until there was only silence. And still, he waited. Finally, he slid out from under the blankets, and crept to the window. It make a quiet squeak, but he managed to push it open enough to slide through. The whole house was on one level, so there was no climbing down from anywhere. He walked barefoot around the house, and toward the beach. It wasn't as dark as he thought it would be: the ocean reflected and magnified the moonlight, and made the night almost as bright as the day. He started to walk along the waterline, keeping it to his left. He wasn't sure where he was going, or what he was looking for, but he knew he just had to keep walking.

"Edward?" Jacob's voice startled him out of his thoughts, and he looked up. "What are you doing out this late?"

"I couldn't sleep," Edward mumbled. He knew how dumb it sounded - he was exhausted. But Jacob nodded.

"Could you use some company on your walk?" He asked. Edward shrugged, and they continued on, Jacob keeping easy pace with Edward. "Can I ask you something?" He asked after a while.

"I guess."

"When do you cry?" Edward paused.

"What do you mean?"

"Well, Bella said she's never seen you cry. And from what I've heard, you have plenty of reasons to. So when do you cry?"

"I… I can't." He bit his lip hard, and Jacob stopped him and put a hand on his. He glanced at it, almost surprised to see his nails biting into the palm of his clenched hand.

"You should," Jacob said. "You're allowed to."

"What?"

"Well, we weren't allowed to. Before. It wasn't until someone told me I was allowed to cry that I could." Embry materialized out of the shadows of a nearby building, and from his lack of reaction, it was clear that Jacob knew he was there. He signed something. "He wants to know if you're okay, or if he should text Emmett to help bring you back," Jacob translated.

"I don't want to be there right now," Edward said. Embry nodded once, and fell into step on Edward's other side. "What are you two doing out this late?"

"Embry wanted a stroll in the moonlight," Jacob said. Embry laughed a voiceless laugh. "No, really, we had a feeling you'd probably try to sneak out, and we wanted to make sure you were safe," Jacob said. Edward nodded. They walked on for a while. Finally, Edward asked what had been bothering him for a while.

"Is it hard, not having a voice?" Embry gave him a thoughtful look. And then he began to sign. Jacob kept up a translation.

"No. I'm used to it now, but still, no. It means I can be selective on who I speak to. And it means I pay more attention to how I communicate with other people. I suppose it's not very different from a deaf person, but it's easier because I still have my hearing. Or most of it," Jacob threw in with a quick grin. Embry punched him lightly. "His music is always too loud, and he's going to go deaf eventually." Jacob explained.

Embry shrugged and signed, "At least I won't have to learn to sign afterwards."

"Why don't you have the struggles that Brady had?" Edward asked, watching this easy exchange. Jacob thought for a long moment. Embry began to sign, and when Jacob didn't immediately start to translate, he gave an exasperated sigh, and began to whisper, which until then, Edward had never realized didn't involve vocal chords. Even with a whisper, Edward could hear the Russian accent that added a lilt to his words.

"Brady had the hardest time of it, for one thing. He was alone the longest. He was considered the prettiest, and he was the youngest. In some ways, he was doomed from the start, and there was no stopping that. He also didn't have an emotional barrier to what happened to him, so the things they did hurt him emotionally as well as physically more than they hurt the rest of us. But I think the biggest thing was that he was alone. Even after."

"But Sam and Jared didn't have brothers," Edward said, frowning.

"Sam and Jared have been in love for years," Jacob said, shaking his head. "Maybe it was the trauma that drew them together initially, but then they also had the same handlers, so they had each other."

"And that doesn't bother you?" Edward asked.

"Why would it? Shouldn't they be allowed to be happy after everything they went through?"

"Well, yeah, of course, but…"

"But they're gay," Jacob finished, reading his face. "Actually, I'm not sure if they are, so much as they don't want anyone else, and they're happy without labels. Besides, who else besides each other would understand what they went through? Either way, they're happy, and that's good enough for me. Just like you and Brady would have been, had it all worked out." Edward stopped at that, familiar heartache shooting through him. Embry looked reproachfully at Jacob over his head. "Shit, I'm sorry. I just meant that -" Embry shook his head. Enough. Edward let out a heavy breath. He worked to keep the sadness at bay, but the crushing weight of it would not be stopped.

**Emmett**

Emmett woke up in the middle of the night, and at first, he wasn't sure what it was that woke him. He listened in the darkness for a minute, and then there it was again. He left his room, and hesitated outside Brady's room before pushing the door open. The bed was empty. So was the room. And the window stood wide open. Instantly, he was wide awake. If Edward wasn't here, where was he? The bathroom was dark and empty, and so was the kitchen and the living room.

"Esme," he whispered, going to her room. But he didn't need to be quiet, she wasn't asleep yet, and Carlisle had a shift at the hospital.

"What is it?" She asked, getting up.

"Edward's gone."

"What? How could he be…" She reached the bedroom and saw it empty. A cursory look around the house told her he wasn't there. "Check the beach, I'll call Sam and Bella." Emmett nodded and shoved his feet into tennis shoes by the back door. He jogged the few steps to the tree line, and broke through it. The beach was empty, and there was no sign of Edward anywhere. He jogged a few steps further, but then he realized that without knowing which way Edward went, searching alone would be useless.

"He's on the beach with Jacob," Sam said, when Emmett came back in. Bella was pacing the living room, and Sam was sitting on the couch with a tired-looking Jared. "Embry's out there with them, too. They're safe," he said with a yawn.

"We should be out there with him," Bella insisted.

"Trust me, Embry's-" Sam started, but Bella rounded on him.

"You don't know Edward. You haven't see him fall apart and get torn down over and over. Not just at his brother's party. Or when his boyfriend died. But his entire life. What you all went through was horrible. But he's been through plenty, and he was alone through it. I hope you can help him, but you should know that he's like a brother to me, and I will not see him hurt again." Sam got up, not to oppose her, but just so that she would take him seriously.

"Listen, these boys are my priority. All of them, and when Brady fell in love with Edward, that made Edward one of them. They've all been through more in one lifetime that anyone should have to deal with, and they're never going to go through anything like it again. I trust my brothers to take care of one another, and I assure you that Embry will not allow anything to happen to Jacob or Edward." Bella looked at Emmett for reassurance, and Emmett nodded.

"I trust them," he said.

"It's not that I don't trust you. It's just that so few people have ever been in Edward's corner, that it's easier to expect that to continue than to expect that things will change for him," she said with a sigh. "But if you've got this under control, then I'm going to believe you. God knows, nothing I've tried has worked."

Sam sat back down with Jared on the couch, and Emmett went into the kitchen to make some coffee.

"This reminds me of so many nights with Brady," he said.

"He used to sneak out?" Bella was mildly surprised. Brady never seemed the type.

"Occasionally, but it was more often a thing about nightmares. He had a hard time at night. We didn't get a ton of quiet nights."

"That explains a lot," Bella said. At the question in his expression, she grinned. "He used to send a lot of late night messages."

"Ah." They both looked up as the door opened, and Embry came in. He nodded at them, and went to the living room, looking for Sam. Sam was asleep, with Jared sleeping next to him, and Embry nudged his foot. Sam jerked awake, a moment of panic flooking his face before it cleared. Embry signed something, and Sam nodded, and shifted Jared to the other side against the cushions before getting up.

"What's wrong?" Emmett asked. Embry glanced between the two, and hesitated. Sam put a hand on his shoulder.

"Jacob sent him back to get help. Edward made it a few miles, and it's too far to walk all the way back."

"Which way did they go?" Emmett asked. Embry gestured, and the three of them set off at a jog. They found Edward and Jacob sitting on the sand. Jacob was watching the waves, and Edward was fast asleep, his head resting on Jacob's shoulder. Emmett shook Edward awake and helped him up. He let Edward lean on him for most of the walk back, but at the pace they were going, it took them over an hour to get to the house. They finally walked through the door, and they deposited Edward at the kitchen table to rest for a minute. Edward sagged in the chair, letting his head rest on the tabletop. In the end, it was Mike that shook him awake again, and made sure he got back into bed.

"Well, do you think we can help him?" Jared asked when Mike and Edward left the kitchen. Sam, Jacob, Embry and Emmett sat with him at the table. It was approaching 4am, and they were all tired.

"I think that if any of us can come back from as far as we went, then Edward will be, too," Jacob said.

"Sometimes, it's almost as if…" Jared started

"As if Brady were coming back through him," Sam nodded. "I was thinking the same thing. Maybe he's doing what he always did, and giving us all a second chance."

"And this time, we can't let him down," Jacob nodded.

"What do you mean, let him down again?" Emmett asked, catching the look the others shared between themselves. Embry, Jared and Jacob looked at Sam, as if asking for permission. Sam nodded in resignation.

"Brady… had the chance to escape about five years ago," Jared said reluctantly. "We were all together in a holding area overnight, and usually the handlers kept us all zip tied together, but this time, his ties were loose enough that he could slide his hands out. It was a mistake that could have meant his freedom. He was standing there, and all that stood between him and freedom was a broken window about six feet up, but he was afraid."

"He asked us what he should do, and we told him he should try to escape, but he thought it was a trick. He was tired and hungry and afraid, we all were," Jacob said. "I was closest. I could have boosted him up and pushed him out the window. Freedom was so close. But in the end, he stayed."

"There's no way of knowing if he could have escaped," Sam said. "But he was the only one smallest enough to fit through that window."

"He stayed for us. He didn't want to leave us behind," Jacob said. A sad half smile crossed his face. "And when he was rescued, the first thing he did was make sure the detectives found us."


	5. Chapter 5

**Embry**

The woods were always Embry's happy place. Not far from where they lived was a nature preserve, with fancy hiking trails and acres of secluded woods. He came here a lot, usually with Jacob. It helped to clear his head and get away from the reminders of their previous life, which could leave him so angry he wanted to make someone pay. He wasn't sure he'd ever go so far as to actually kill someone, but it was tempting to imagine the torture he would put a specific few through. He considered trying to find information on those people, but so far, he'd decided that it was best to just leave it alone. They were free, and they would never have to see any of that world again. And if anyone ever did come for them, he was ready.

So now, he stalked the woods, keeping clear of the paths, aiming his arrows at distant trees, imagining very different targets every time his arrow hit its mark. He had to admit, being here without Jacob's stream of conversation was peaceful. But he relied on his brother. Jacob was the voice of reason in his chaotic head. Somehow, Jacob had kept his light, even when the rest of them had their light snuffed out. Somehow, Jacob never lost the ability to smile or laugh, or find the humor in life, when Sam and Jared and Embry just couldn't see it. Jacob brought them all back, time and time again, even when life seemed so bleak that there was nothing out there for them but the pain of living their nightmares again and again. Embry didn't know how he did it. He thought back to the moment, weeks ago, when he'd lost his head, after Jared mentioned seeing someone he thought he recognized from before at a grocery store. Sam was preoccupied with Jared, and Embry had immediately gone to his room to retrieve his bow and arrows. He stalked through the streets to the grocery store, where he saw the person Jared described. He was ready to shoot, had the arrow knocked and the bowstring taught. He had his target in his sight, and it would be so easy to just let go. It was only Jacob refusing to get out of the way of his arrow, that stopped him. That, and the look on his brother's face. Jacob understood. He knew why Embry wanted to hunt down the people who hurt them. He knew why Sam broke his hand. He understood all of them. And he refused to let them lose who they were, over revenge. Embry shook his head. Why was it, he wondered, the youngest that were always teaching the oldest? Brady was their glue, and Jacob their light. And if those two had lost whatever aspect of themselves that made them good, then the whole group of them would have been lost.

He circled back to the parking lot where he'd left his bike, and stowed his bow and arrows in their case. His phone buzzed with a text from Jared, saying he was heading over to Esme's in a bit, and wondered if Embry wanted a ride.

Ten minutes or so later, he pulled up to the house. Jared was on the porch, and waited until Embry came back down from putting his stuff in his room, to get in the car. Embry locked up and went out to the car, noting that Jared sat in the passenger seat. Clearly, he wasn't in the mood to talk, then. Fine by Embry. He preferred silence, too. So, it was a surprise to him when Jared started to speak.

"I had a test done last week," he started.

"I know," Embry said. He didn't often rely on his own mouth to speak, but he could when he needed to. "I heard you and Sam talking about it. Loudly." He glanced over at Jared. "You know nothing's changed. You're still our brother. Even if you hadn't wanted to tell us."

"I wasn't worried about that," Jared said, frowning. "I wanted to tell you, but-"

"But you weren't sure how I'd react."

"Yeah. Of all of us, you're the most lethal, and I was worried you might do something drastic." Embry actually smiled at that.

"I considered it," he admitted. "I wanted to make them pay. I still do. But I want to find a punishment that fits the crime. And I haven't yet."

"Sam wants you to take Edward out shooting," Jared said, changing the subject.

"Really?"

"Yeah, apparently, he had talent before he got sick."

"Makes sense," Embry said. It took strength to pull back a bow string, and if a person got sick like Edward was, one of the things to go was strength. "I'll drop you off, and look into getting a bow for him." Embry pulled into the driveway. He waited for Jared to get inside, and then backed out and headed for a local sports equipment store that usually had what he wanted.

An hour and a bow and set of knives he couldn't say no to later, he was on his way back to the house, almost cheerful for the first time in a long time.

**Edward**

Edward wasn't sure whether he should be scared or not, going to an archery range with Embry. Jacob offered to come as a buffer, but Embry shook his head, saying that it would be better if there was quiet. Sam, Jacob and Emmett all trusted Embry, but Edward was intimidated by him, and a little afraid of the aura he gave off. He could be lethal, and it showed.

The archery range was a twenty minute drive from Esme's house, and Embry drove the whole way without once asking how Edward was doing, a question that, if he heard it again, would make him break something. Embry seemed to sense this, which Edward appreciated a lot. They walked in, and Embry swiped a badge at the door, before pushing it open and holding it for Edward. Inside was an archery range not too different from the ones that Edward was used to. Long lanes with targets at varying points along them gave archers options for what distance to shoot at. Embry put the bow together and handed it to Edward. He gestured toward the lanes, and Edward looked doubtful at them.

"Just do whichever you feel comfortable doing," he said. He strung his own bow, and waited for Edward to choose a target. Edward chose a target and pulled the bowstring back. He wasn't used to this pull, and the arrow he let loose almost missed the target completely. He shook his head and tried again, getting the feel for it now, and this time, his arrow hit just to the right of the bullseye. He shot another one, and this one was dead center. Embry watched, saying nothing. Edward shot another arrow, and then another and another. He went to another target, this one further away, and shot one true shot at a time. Anger started to grow inside him, and he couldn't hold it back, as hard as he tried. He shot one last arrow, and the bow snapped. He felt one of the arms scrape across his cheek. He let out a frustrated sound, and Embry was already looking at his face, firm fingers turning his face to see the scrape more clearly. From a pocket of his case, he produced first aid stuff, and he cleaned and bandaged the cut without fuss. "Tell me what you're mad about," he said in his whisper.

"I'm not mad," Edward insisted. Embry appraised him for a moment.

"Maybe you should be," he said finally. "You have a lot to be mad about."

"Well I'm not. So you can all go back to Bella and tell her I'm fine and she should take me home."

"Is that what you want us to do?" Embry asked.

"No." Sadness welled up inside him, mixing with the anger and deflating it. "I thought that coming here would fix everything. That if I just came to see where he lived, the things he saw and did, where he was buried, it would stop hurting so much. But it hurts as much now as it always did. When is it going to stop?"

"When you face it," Embry said simply. "Pain, sadness, these emotions never go away on their own, especially when they're so intense the way they are right now for you. But if you face them, and face their cause, you'll start to notice that they hurt less."

"Fine. I'm angry. I'm angry at everything. I'm angry at my perfect family. I'm angry at my perfect brother. I'm angry at Brady for dying. I'm angry at the whole damn world. Everything good goes away, and it always will. So what's the point of trying to get close to anyone or anything, if it's just going to leave?" Edward threw the broken bow, and it lay there in a pile of splintered wood and string. "I'm angry at myself," he said, emotion welling up inside faster than he could push it down. "It was my fault that Brady got sick. It was my fault."

"What?" Embry asked. "No, he had a heart condition that was the reason he was sick."

"Before that. He had pneumonia. He got sick because he spent too much time out in the snow with me when he came to visit."

"Edward… Cold isn't the only cause of pneumonia. He already had a weak immune system. He used to get sick all the time. There was no telling that this was going to be anything except a normal bout of the flu. It wasn't your fault." Embry had never been good at emotions, or comforting someone, but even he knew when someone needed a hug, and Edward was fighting to hold himself together. Embry pulled him in close, and wrapped his arms around him. "It wasn't your fault. Nothing that ever happened to you was your fault. Shitty people did awful things to you, and Brady's death was in the cards for him since he was born. No one could have known it was going to happen, and certainly not when. Besides, it was you who gave him the best few months of his life. And if there was anything I wanted for him, it was for him to have someone who would love him and care about him. You gave him that." Edward followed Embry blindly as Embry led him to a bench to sit. "It's not going to be an overnight thing, but you're going to forgive yourself," Embry continued. "You're going to start to love yourself again, if not for yourself, then for the people around you."


	6. Chapter 6

**Sam**

Edward and Embry were subdued when they arrived back at the house, and Sam immediately noted the scrape across Edward's cheek. He waited until Edward was preoccupied with Emmett, before rounding on Embry.

"Outside," he said. Embry followed him out to the driveway. "What the hell?"

"It wasn't me," Embry signed. "He snapped a bow."

"He what?"

"He has more power than I expected. He over shot the bow, and it snapped. But it's just a scratch. I patched it up myself." Embry pulled the snapped bow and handed it to Sam. Sam took it, and looked at the snapped arm.

"Well then, did you get anywhere with him?" He asked, handing it back.

"I got him angry," Embry signed. "He thinks that Brady's death, and everything else was his fault. I have a feeling we're getting close to tapping into his emotions." He stowed the bow in his bag.

"Any suggestions on where to go from here?"

"I think we need to push him harder," Embry signed.

"That's risky," Jared said, joining them.

"I know, but until he breaks down, he's just going to fall further into this depression. Have any of us seen him eat since we've been here?" Embry pointed out. Sam and Jared had to admit they hadn't been paying enough attention to notice. "Well I have, and apart from a few bites of breakfast, which he more than worked off at the archery range today, he hasn't touched the food we've been pushing at him. We need to take a different tack with that, too."

"I was thinking we should do a bonfire tonight," Jared volunteered. We could do s'mores or something, and maybe it'll get him talking." Sam agreed.

"Let's make a grocery run. You good here?" Embry nodded. The grocery store was busy, and both Sam and Jared eyed the people. "Together," Sam said. Jared nodded.

"I see what you're doing, by the way," Jared said.

"What do you mean?" Sam asked, tossing a bag of marshmallows in the cart.

"Pushing Jacob at Edward. Are you sure that's a good idea?"

"It wasn't my idea. You know how Jacob gets, and Bella and Embry both told me that Edward has this idea that he's unloveable. I don't see the point in stopping Jacob, if it stays as harmless as it has been so far. I told him to be careful, though. But we need to trust him. It's just as likely that Edward could hurt him, as the other way around."

"Can we allow that?" Jared asked. "If it comes to it, who should be our priority?"

"That's not even a question we should be asking. It it all goes to shit, we'll have to play it by ear. And nothing's even happened yet."

"But do we want it to?" Jared pressed.

"I think we want them all to be happy, and if this is what makes them happy, it's worth it."

"I think you're a romantic, and you're enjoying the idea of being matchmaker for one of your boys," Jared said, rolling his eyes.

"Well, there's that too," Sam admitted easily. Jared laughed with a shake of his head.

"Remind me to tell Embry I owe him five bucks."

"Seriously?" Sam rolled his eyes.

"You're the one playing matchmaker."

**Edward**

Edward watched while Emmett and Embry built the fire. A few months ago, Emmett built the firepit, with the idea that they would all use it regularly, but so far it'd only been used once. It was a wide circle of logs around a smaller circle of rocks for the fire. Jacob came out with blankets and Emmett's guitar case.

"Sam and Jared should be back soon," Jacob said. Edward nodded. He was tired. So tired. Ever since he'd arrived, there was always something to do, someone to talk to, and trying to sleep in Brady's bedroom, alone, with just Jellybean, was almost impossible. But he couldn't say that, not to any of them, since they were working so hard to help him. "What's wrong?" Jacob asked, depositing the blankets and the guitar, and sitting down next to him.

"Nothing," Edward said with a sigh. "I guess it's just… Look, I appreciate what you've all done for me and everything, but it's just a lot. All at once."

"So you're tired," Jacob surmised. Edward nodded. "And you want a break from people trying to fix you." Edward nodded again, more slowly. "And you'd really like everyone to leave you alone for a while." Edward looked at him suspiciously. How was he so accurate? "I felt the same way. My brother pushed and pushed to make sure I was 'recovered.' But you can't keep pushing a person, or you'll end up pushing them away. No one would blame you if you just… took a walk for a while, on your own."

"Yeah?"

"Sure. Go on. I'll make sure you have a couple hours. If you aren't back by then, I can't stop the search parties."

"Thanks," Edward said, getting up. He walked away down the beach.

**Jacob**

As he watched Edward walk away, Jacob felt a twinge of… something.

"Where's he going?" Emmett asked. Embry, too, was looking at him with narrowed eyes.

"He needs a break. We threw him into the deep end, and if we don't give him time to adjust, it's not going to end the way we want it to. Give him a couple of hours, he'll be back."

"Fine," Embry said, going back to the firepit. But when Emmett and Embry were both distracted by the fire, Jacob followed Edward, keeping his distance, but keeping him in his sight. Just to make sure he was alright, he told himself. He watched Edward wander for a while, bending down from time to time to pick up a shell or something. Then he turned inland, as if he recognized the area, and wanted to find something he remembered, or maybe something he saw in a picture. There was nothing around that looked specific to anything to Jacob, but Edward seemed to know where he was going, and walked confidently, almost urgently. Jacob followed him, curious now. As far as he knew, there was nothing special this way, just a few stores and the high school. Why would Edward want to go there? Edward finally stopped at the fence to the school. He trailed a hand along the chainlink until he found what he was evidently looking for, a gap, big enough for a thin person to squeeze through. Jacob watched as he crossed the school grounds, heading for a door at the corner. Apparently, it was locked, because when Edward pulled on it, it didn't budge. He stepped back to look at it, and let out a defeated sigh. He trudged back to the fence, unsurprised to see Jacob waiting for him.

"I figured you'd follow me," he said, squeezing back through.

"You're not mad?" Jacob asked, stepping back so he'd have room.

"No, not really."

"What were you looking for?" Jacob asked.

"Well, I was sort of…" Edward sighed, searching for the right words. "This is where Brady went to school. I guess I was looking for some kind of sign that he was here. That probably sounds stupid."

"No, it doesn't."

"But there isn't anything. Everywhere I look, all I see is the absence of him. So if he's not here, then what's the point of me being here?" Jacob looked at him sharply, but Edward wasn't looking at him. "Maybe I should just go home."

"Is that what you want?" Jacob asked, cautious.

"No," Edward said with a defeated sigh. "There's nothing for me there, either."

"Well, maybe you didn't find Brady, but there's more for you here than just him. Besides, you don't have to go anywhere else to find him. He's always with you," Jacob said. They found a bench, and sat, looking across at the school.

"That's the thing people say when they don't realize how dumb it sounds," Edward said bluntly. "He's not with me. That's exactly the problem. And the more I think about it, the more I realize he never was." Edward's voice cracked, and he swallowed hard.

"Edward, that's-"

"Don't. Look, I know you're trying to help, but just don't. Go back to your brother and your friends, and leave me alone." Edward got up.

"I can't."

"Try." Edward walked away, toward the school, and beyond it. Jacob watched him leave, and sat back down heavily. Shit.

**Edward**

Rage boiled up inside Edward, and he walked without knowing where he was going. They didn't get it. They didn't understand. They thought that talking and shooting arrows and eating were going to make all his problems go away, but they were wrong. None of that helped, and he was still as fucked as he'd been before he left Ohio.

He was so lost in his thoughts that he lost track of where he was, and he found himself in the outskirts of Clearwater, across the street from a drugstore. He looked at it for a long minute, before realizing what he was looking at. Brady knew this drugstore. He crossed the street and went in. It was similar to every other gas station drugstore, but still, he took his time wandering the aisles. He was tempted, so tempted. And no one was here to stop him. Not one person knew where he was. Unless Jacob followed him, but he didn't think so. He looked around, but no one was paying attention. And the temptation was so strong.

So he got a basket from the stack by the door, and filled it with whatever he could reach - junk food, food that would go down easily and come up even more easily. He stayed away from bread and chips, knowing from ample experience that unless he ate them with a lot of liquid, purging them would be a pain. Within five minutes, he had what he wanted, paid for it all, and left. He found a secluded place next to an abandoned parking lot, and this was where he binged, eating everything in a matter of minutes. And once it was gone, he felt nauseous, sick, and in pain. His only goal was to get it all out. He wasn't far from a public restroom, and took advantage of the physical female body he couldn't stand, and went into the women's restroom. It was one of those with just the one open room and a locking door. He made sure it was locked, before going to the trash can - purging into a toilet never appealed to him, backsplash was always more than expected - and made quick work of ridding himself of all the food in his stomach. When he was empty, he took a couple of swallows from a bottle of gatorade, and purged again, to be sure. Then he washed his hands and splashed water on his face, and threw a bunch of paper towels into the trash can. He caught his reflection in the mirror, watery red eyes and perpetually chapped lips and pale skin. He was grotesque, and after how he treated Jacob, it was no wonder he was alone.

"You just have to get through this trip," he told his reflection. "Just a few more days, and they'll get sick of you and send you back." He left the bathroom, looking around carefully for anyone he knew, but he was alone. So profoundly alone, and he didn't know where to go. He reached for his pocket for his phone, only to remember that it was still in his backpack, back in Brady's room. "Shit." What was he going to do now? From somewhere up ahead, he could hear the sound of the ocean, but he wasn't sure which way to go to get back to Esme's house. He figured that staying still was pointless, so he headed toward the sound of waves anyway.


	7. Chapter 7

**Jacob**

Jacob arrived back at the house, and he couldn't keep the look of guilt and dread off his face.

"Where's Edward?" Emmett asked.

"He told me to leave him alone," Jacob said, relaying everything that happened. "Emmett, I'm sorry."

"Not your fault," Embry whispered.

"He's right," Emmett nodded. "Did you see which way he went? After he left the school?"

"Yeah, he was heading in the general direction of the north shore."

"Okay, Embry, go get your bike, Edward, you're coming with me. We'll find him." Emmett said. Embry nodded and jogged off toward their house. Emmett banked the fire, and grabbed his keys. Jacob was in the car when he got in, and he wasted no time pulling out of the driveway. They drove to the school, and a back motorcycle passed them, circled the school, and headed north toward the beach.

"I'm sorry," Jacob said, drawing his knees up to his chest.

"Don't be. If I know Edward, and I'm pretty sure I do, he wasn't mad at you. Or anyone. Except himself. He's always internalized things, always felt that there were things wrong about himself."

They drove north, taking a different street than Embry, and pulled into the parking lot. Embry was already there. He dismounted from his bike, and pulled off his helmet, letting the long curtain of his hair fall, before tying it back with the hair tie on his wrist.

"You guys take that way, I'll go this way," he signed. Jacob nodded, and he and Emmett set off down the beach. They walked in silence, looking but the beach was bare,with only gently rolling dunes that flowed smoothly into the sea. They walked about half a mile before Emmett's phone buzzed.

"Embry found him," Emmett said. They turned and jogged back the way they'd come, and then past the parking lot, down the beach where they could see Embry, dressed in black, kneeling next to Edward.

"Somebody found him wandering, they said that he told them he was lost, and without his phone, he didn't have anyone's numbers," Embry explained when they got to them. "He's okay, just tired, I think." Embry pulled Edward up to his feet and got him walking back toward the parking lot. Once they reached it, Edward got into the back seat and sat dejectedly, looking out the window. Jacob and Emmett got into the front, and the drive to back to the house was… Well, it wasn't friendly. Usually, people weren't hard for Jacob to read, but he wasn't getting anything from Edward. He saw Emmett gance at Edward from the rearview mirror more than once, as if Emmett was trying to get a read on him, too.

When they pulled into the driveway, Embry was already there, no doubt explaining to Sam and Jared what happened. Edward got out of the car before Emmett or Jacob could try to talk to him, and went inside. Emmett didn't get out right away. He put a hand on Jacob's shoulder.

"Don't worry, alright? It's not you. Just like when you were first rescued and you were angry, remember? Who were you really angry at?"

"Myself," Jacob muttered, shrugging. "I mean, I know, but I didn't want to be the person who he got mad at first."

"Lucky you, he'll get over it first," Emmett said. Jacob managed to crack a smile, before heading inside.

**Edward**

Purging always took something out of Edward, and even though he knew he should apologize to Jacob, he just didn't have the energy to try to figure out what to say. Jacob, too, seemed subdued. The others still wanted to have the bonfire, so Edward dragged himself to one of the logs, soaking up the heat from the fire. He was too drained to move over when Emmett sat down next to him with his guitar.

"Hey," Emmett said, "You play, right?"

"I used to," Edward said, taking the instrument. He began to strum in, quietly at first, then, as it came back to him, he tuned it to a different key, and started to play. (Insert Arms by Christina Perri). He suddenly became aware that five sets of eyes were watching him, and he handed the guitar back to Emmett.

"No, you got this. Can you sing anything else?" Edward gave him a slanted look. What was he up to? Then he started to play again. (Insert Always Remember Us this Way and Lost on You)

"Since when do you sing?" Sam asked, once the last notes died away. Edward shrugged.

"It's just a hobby," he said.

"Some hobby," Sam muttered. Emmett took the guitar back. The truth was that as much as Edward was aware that he could sing, he hated his voice. His speaking voice could come across as androgynous if he wanted it to, but the moment he started to sing, there was no question what gender he was assigned at birth. It was a constant reminder that in so many ways, he was wrong. They passed the guitar around, but Mike was the only other person besides Emmett and Edward who could play. Emmett took the chance to talk to Edward without everyone else listening in.

"So what happened?" He asked. Edward had little doubt about what he was talking about. And what was the point of keeping secrets. They were going to realize sooner or later that this was a lost cause anyway.

"I was an asshole to Jacob."

"I meant after that," Emmett said. Edward sighed.

"I found some old drugstore, and I bought a bunch of food and I ate it all, and then threw it up." Emmett couldn't hide the look that crossed his face, even though he tried. Edward looked back to the fire. Just say it, he thought. Just tell me what I need to do one more fucking time. But Emmett didn't say anything for a long time. Probably realizing exactly what everyone else realizes eventually, Edward thought. He pulled the hood of his sweatshirt up over his head and hugged his knees, so that all that was visible were his eyes. Emmett put an arm around him and gave him a hug, and it was so unexpected that he couldn't stop the flood of emotions that came with it. He buried his face in his knees and cried. Emmett rubbed his back and let him cry, and leaned down.

"I miss him too," he whispered. "Every damn day. But eventually, it's going to hurt less." Edward shook his head. "You'll see. Eventually, you'll be able to look back at your memories and the time you had with him, and it might hurt, but the pain won't be unbearable. And until then, you take it day by day."

"And what if I don't want to do this anymore?" Edward asked, resting his cheek on his knees, looking up at Emmett with red-rimmed eyes. He felt more drained and worn out than he could ever remember feeling.

"Then you hold on because you have other people who care about you. And if you died, every one of us would feel exactly the same way you do right now." Edward strongy doubted that, but he was too tired to argue. He found himself nodding off, still tucked into his sweatshirt. "Come on," he felt Emmett shaking his shoulder, trying to wake him up. But he was so tired. "Edward, you can't sleep out here."

"Can't sleep in there, either," he mumbled.

"Then sleep in my bed. You still can't sleep outside in the sand." Why did it matter? Why did any of this matter? He heard the exasperated sigh, and Emmett pull him to his feet. Reluctantly, he let Emmett lead the way, and collapsed on the bed - not Brady's bed, but Emmett's. He barely noticed when Emmett slid into the other side of the bed, but he felt the warmth of him, and in his sleep, he pressed his freezing body closer to the heat source. Somewhere in his subconscious, a memory surfaced. Brady's voice, saying that Emmett was always so warm.


	8. Chapter 8

**Jacob**

Jacob sat at the kitchen table the next morning, stirring a cup of tea that had gone cold over an hour ago. Embry had come and gone, and so had Jared. But finally Sam came down, towelling his hair dry. He tossed the towel in the washing machine, and slid into the seat across from Jacob.

"Talk," he said, sparing them both by not wasting time with pointless small talk.

"I just… It's so obvious what he needs," Jacob said. "I could give you a list. But he's so walled off, and every time I think we've figured his walls out, they evolve into something new. I want to help him, and I know we can, but I'm afraid that if we do it the wrong way, it's going to push him over an edge that we'll never get him back from."

"You always surprise me with your empathy," Sam said. "I hope you never lose that. Do you have any ideas for how to move forward?"

"I've been thinking about last night. Bella said that Edward doesn't cry, but when Emmett gave him a hug, he did. I think we can use that. I didn't think about it until now, but maybe physical touch is part of the answer. Hugs," he clarified at Sam's confused look.

"And how are you feeling about the other part of yesterday?" Sam asked. Jacob shrugged.

"He was right, for one thing. Those pointless platitudes are useless, and Brady isn't here. Words aren't going to change that, and to say he's here when he isn't, just sounds insensitive. And he's right about another thing. We've always had each other when it mattered. Even Emmett has always had someone. But Edward's been alone for so long that he doesn't think that people will stay around for him. He's lashing out because he thinks that if he pushes us away first, he won't get hurt when we leave."

"So your plan is to… What?"

"Prove our resilience. Especially mine."

"Be-" Sam started, but Jacob shook his head.

"Careful, I know. But think about it. He won't get close to anyone if they show him they'll leave. And I'm the only one in a position to do exactly that. You and Jared have a lot to deal with. Embry will always prefer his own company. Emmett is straight. Bella and Mike have their own responsibilities. That just leaves me. Plus, he already pushed me away once, and I'm willing to bet that I can use that to try to reach him."

"Just remember that at the end of the day, you matter too," Sam said. Jacob cocked his head, confused for a second.

"Trust me," he said. "I have my own personal interests at heart here as much as his. If I can break through his shell, then maybe he'll see that, too."

**Edward**

Edward woke up in a room he didn't recognize, and when he took stock of himself, he realize that what he was wearing, pajama bottoms and a tshirt, weren't what he'd fallen asleep in. What was going on? His eyes and throat ached, and when he sat up, he had the headache from hell. Gingerly, he stood up and made his way out of the room, and down the hall. Slowly, yesterday began to surface in his mind, and he cringed at how awful he'd been to Jacob. He also vaguely remembered getting changed, and Emmett letting him sleep in his bed. He went to the bathroom to find something for a headache, and struck lucky with some ibuprofen. When he closed the mirror, he caught his reflection, and god damn, he looked awful. His skin was chalky, pale, with deep, dark circles under his eyes. His lips were chapped, and even he could see how painfully thin he was. For him, gaining weight wasn't the nightmare. The nightmare was losing the control he clung to. But christ, he looked sick. He swallowed the medicine, and went to the living room to wait for it to kick in. Or he would have, but he heard voices.

"We can't put too many expectations on him. Pushing him too far, too fast is going to do more harm than good."

"But if we don't, how much longer can he really keep going the way he is? How much do you think he weighs? 90 pounds? We need to get him to eat something, something he'll keep down." Edward tried to listen to what they were saying, but his headache wasn't going away, and being upright was proving difficult. Maybe some fresh air would help. He walked through the kitchen to the back door, and down to the beach, sitting down near the water's edge. He hugged his knees and looked out at the water, and the morbid game he played in his head came to mind. Would this be the place he wanted to die? Maybe drowning was how he wanted to go. Or maybe he could just sit here long enough and disappear. He rested his chin on his knees. Maybe he'd get lucky, and it would happen when he was asleep. Maybe he'd just go to sleep, and peace would find him. He nearly jumped out of his skin when he felt Jellybean's cheek rubbing on his shoulder. She put her paws on his knees, and her great big amber eyes looked into his reproachfully. He stared back, convinced she was yelling at him in cat.

"I'm sorry," he said. "There's just no coming back from this. Can't you understand that? I don't want to, but everyone says this will go away, and it just doesn't. I'm so tired of everything, and I can't make it better. Maybe this will." She jumped into his lap, forcing him to cross his legs to make her a lap. Which she then proceeded to curl up in. She stretched, revealing her fluffy stomach, and looked up at him with adoring eyes. Some commotion back at the house made him turn, and his mouth went dry. Was that his mom? She was walking toward him, working on keeping her face devoid of the anger he knew was boiling inside her.

"Elizabeth, get your things," she said. Her use of his birth name sent a pang through his chest. Still, he stood up and carried the cat inside. He handed her to Emmett without a word, and went to Brady's bedroom to get his backpack. From somewhere, Bella was arguing with someone, probably his dad, but Edward couldn't fight reality. Their life here, Clearwater, this was not his reality. And this was probably the last time he'd have a chance to come here. Someone, Jacob, brushed past him, searching the room quickly for something.

"Take this with you," he said, sliding a black journal into the front pocket of Edward's backpack.

"I'm sorry," Edward said. "About yesterday. I didn't mean it."

"Don't worry about that. Water under the bridge."

"Elizabeth. Let's go." His mother stood in the doorway. Edward looked up at Jacob finally, green eyes meeting blue, and tried to smile.

"It was nice to meet you," he said. He wanted to say something else, something more, but he didn't have the time. "Goodbye," was all he could manage. He followed his mom out to the car, where his dad was waiting. The car door closed behind him, and he knew, he just knew that he would never see any of them again. He couldn't make himself look at them. They'd tried so hard to help him, and he hadn't done enough. It was so typical, he though, wasting this opportunity. And to top it off, he never even got to say goodbye to Brady. And now he'd never get that chance.

"You ever pull a stunt like that again, leaving the state without telling anyone, we'll send the police after you," his mom said, once they pulled away from the house. Edward didn't say anything. He watched Clearwater pass in mostly a blur. The last thing to go past was the cemetery. Another blow to his heart. He forced the tears away. He would not cry in front of his family. In the front seat, his parents were still raging about having to go so far out of their way, and missing some big tournament Tony was in, to go get him. He didn't listen. They stopped for food halfway back to Orlando. Edward ate quietly, and excused himself to go to the bathroom. His parents didn't notice. Once back in the car, he put earbuds in and stretched out on the back seat, sleep overtaking him quickly. That was how his mother found him when they reached the hotel an hour later, not asleep, but unresponsive.

"David!" She all but screamed his dad's name. "David, what's wrong? I bet they gave her something. Drugs or something. She's lost so much weight, I bet it's drugs." His dad called 911.

"Yes, hi, my daughter. We're on a road trip, and we thought she was sleeping, but she won't wake up. Is she breathing? Uh, let me… Shit, no, I think she's not. Wait, yes, but it's shallow." He stayed on the call until an ambulance arrived. His parents hovered as EMTs pulled Edward out of the car, and laid his on a stretcher.

"I have a pulse," one of them said, a gloved hand at Edward's neck. "Let's get oxygen on her. What's her name?"

"Elizabeth," his mother said from her spot next to the car.

"Alright, Elizabeth, stay with us, okay honey?"

They wheeled him away to the waiting ambulance, and his mother followed them.

"How old is she?" One of them asked once they'd loaded her into the ambulance.

"Seventeen. Could it be drugs? She's lost a lot of weight the past few months, and she's so secretive. She used to talk to me. We were like best friends. And now she's always closed off, and never talks."

"We're going to look into everything, ma'am," he said. He tried several times to draw blood, finally managing it, and getting several vials, and checked blood pressure and the rest of the kid's vitals.

It was a flurry of activity when they reached the hospital. Edward wasn't responding to any attempts to wake him up. They ran tox screens, but there were no drugs anywhere in his system. They got him on IVs to get electrolytes and fluids. Some of his color began to return, but he still wasn't waking up. His breathing skipped and slowed so low that they decided he needed a breathing tube, and once they weighed him, at 96 pounds, they decided a feeding tube was necessary as well.

"There has to be more to this," one of the doctors said to another, reviewing the case. Even with severe eating disorders, they usually don't stay out this long. I'm going to talk to the parents again." She found Edward's parents, together with his brother, in the waiting room. His mother was making no secret of how annoyed she was that she had to wait. "Hi Mr. and Mrs. Masen, we just have a few questions." She indicated a set of chairs off to the side, and they all sat down to talk. "Can you tell me anything that's been going on in Elizabeth's life? What was she doing the last week or so?" Edward's mom sighed in exasperation.

"We don't know. We left her home while we went with our son to a tournament in Orlando. The next thing we know, her friend Bella is calling us, saying that she's taking Elizabeth to Florida to meet some friends. So we went and got her, and then when we arrive back at our hotel, she won't wake up. Typical."

"Excuse me, ma'am, but there is nothing typical about your daughter's case," the doctor said with a frown. "We found no drugs in her system, but she is extremely underweight and dehydrated. Were you aware that your daughter is in the midst of a life-threatening eating disorder? Which does not explain why, even with fluids and a feeding tube, she still hasn't woken up."

"It's not life-threatening. People recover from eating disorders all the time," Edward's dad said dismissively.

"And they die from them every day. And it is my professional opinion that if we don't figure out what exactly she's dealing with quickly, then your daughter is going to be one of them. Soon. I need the number for your daughter's friend." Edward's dad pulled out his phone, and wrote down the number on a napkin.

"Thank you." The doctor took the napkin, and went back to her office. She dialed the number, and it rang twice before Bella answered.

"Hello?" She sounded upset, but she was working to keep her voice calm.

"Hi, is this Bella? I'm Dr. Evans and Mercy Health hospital in Orlando. I'm afraid I can't tell you too much over the phone except that your friend, Elizabeth-"

"It's Edward," she corrected.

"Alright then, well you friend has been admitted as a patient here, and we have some questions that need answers."

"Yes, I imagine you do," she said, her voice grim. "Just, can you tell me, is Edward alright?"

"I'm afraid that over the phone, there's not much information I can give you."

"I thought it was worth a try. We'll be there in… how long of a drive is it from Clearwater? A couple of hours? We'll be there soon."

"Your speed would be much appreciated," Dr. Evans said.

"I understand," she said. "And thank you."


	9. Chapter 9

**Jacob**

As they watched Edward's parents take him away, dread started to grow in all of them. They'd barely begun to help him, and now that Jacob could see the way forward, the chance was taken away from them. And once again, Edward was losing the people around him. Until the call Bella got from Dr. Evans a few hours later, which seemed like the second chance they needed. It was as if they were waiting for that call. Bella, Jacob and Embry went to Bella's car without a second thought, and driving toward Orlando. This time, they would not fail. This time, they would reach him. This time, they could save him. Jacob was sure of it. So sure, that it wasn't until they arrived at the hospital and were ushered into Dr. Evans' office, that the full scope of what was going on, hit him. Dr. Evans was a small, but powerful woman. She gestured to the two chairs opposite her desk, and pulled up a third for Embry. They all sat down, and Jacob could feel Bella's stress. For good reason. The last time she'd been in an office like this, is was because Brady had died.

"Thanks for hurrying. I'm afraid the situation is serious. Which you were all aware of, or you wouldn't have gotten here so quickly. Any information you can give me about your friend will help," she said.

"Okay, to start, he lost his-"

"To clarify, we are talking about Elizabeth Masen, yes?"

"He's transgender. Goes by Edward," Jacob volunteered. Dr. Evans nodded, unsurprised.

"His boyfriend died about a month ago. Zachary Lee. It was in some of the papers in Clearwater, but I'm not sure if it got as far as Orlando," Bella continued. "But this eating disorder spiraled out of control after a party his brother threw, a week or so before Christmas. His brother and his brother's friends force fed him alcohol and drugs, and then raped him, and left him outside in the snow. And when Brady died, that was it. He'd already lost the love of his family. Trust me on that, before he came out, they had a great relationship. But after, it was like they were strangers. Even after coming out, though, I knew Edward, and it wasn't until after this party that his depression hit. I brought him to Florida because I hoped that being around people who cared about Brady would help him. They all went through similar things, and I hoped that giving him people that could care about him would help."

"And did it?" Dr. Evans asked.

"It was starting to," Jacob offered. "But his parents showed up before we could get anywhere."

"If what you were doing was helping, I'm not going to stop you. But you'll have to work alongside my treatment plan." Dr. Evans said, getting up. 'I'll show you where Edward's room is. But I have to warn you. His appearance might be a bit much for you."

"Trust me," Jacob said. "We've seen worse." He glanced at Embry, and they followed the doctor through corridors that smelled sterile, to a room in the ICU. At first, Jacob thought they had the wrong room. That wasn't Edward. It couldn't be. But the reality of what Edward was hiding under thick layers of clothes, couldn't be denied. Edward lay in a heated cocoon of blankets, IVs in both hands, a feeding tube in his nose, and a thick breathing tube down his throat, but it was the bones that protruded from what was visible of his chest and shoulders, that was most shocking. And then Jacob realized, looking back at the last few days, that he'd never seen Edward without a sweatshirt or jeans. All that was ever visible was his face and hands. Even so, he should have seen… this. And suddenly, everything made sense. Perfect sense. The frailty of him. Why he passed out so frequently. Why he was always cold and tired. Embry put a steadying arm on his shoulder. "I think I was wrong," Jacob said, not able to tear his eyes away from the tiny, ruined body in the bed. "I haven't seen worse."

"No one would blame you if you want to go," Bella reminded him gently. "You don't have to stay."

"Of course I have to stay," Jacob said, frowning. "Helping him recover will make everything else worth it."

**Edward**

Edward flowed in and out of a dream state. Nothing and no one mattered. He could die now, and there would be nothing anyone could do about it. So why wasn't he dead?

"You're not finished yet," a voice said. Was this real? He looked around at a vast expanse of white. Standing in front of him, as if he'd never left, was Brady. Brady looked at him with an expression that he couldn't place. Sadness and love, mixed together. "Edward, what happened to you?" He asked. He knelt down, and they looked eye to eye for the first time in what seemed like a lifetime. Edward could reach out and touch him. As if knowing what Edward was thinking, Brady pulled him into a hug. He felt solid and real, and Edward clung to him. "Edward," he said, "You've given me so much. But I need you to do one more thing for me."

"Of course," Edward said. Of course he would do anything.

"I need you to go back. I need you to live. Please go back and live the life I didn't get to live, for me. Do everything you knew I wanted to do. Go everywhere I couldn't."

"I can't do that," Edward said.

"Edward, look at me." Brady put his hands on Edward's shoulders, and looked him in the eye. Eyes so dark brown they were almost black, met green. "I can't go back. But I can give you the next best thing. I can give you someone who will love you, no matter what. Someone who was drawn to you the moment he met you. You'll never be alone again."

"But I don't want anyone else. I want to stay here with you."

"I'm always with you. Everything you see that reminds you of me, is a part of me that's there with you. I'll always be there with you. But you deserve someone who will be more than I ever could. I love you, Edward. And it's because of you that I _can_ love. But I want you to have someone who already could, before you came into their life." As if from above, Edward could see the hospital room, and the people in it. He could see his own body, lifeless and unresponsive. He could see Bella, pacing the length of the room. And there was Embry, calm and watchful, standing in the corner. And Jacob, next to the bed, a hand on Edward's. "There's so much to say. I wish I had the time to say it. He put a hand over Edward's heart, and with his other hand, he lifted Edward's face to his. The kiss said everything. It said "I love you, and I'm sorry." It said everything that Edward needed to hear. It said a lifetime of comfort, for all the pain that Edward went through. And mostly, it said goodbye. "Edward, you gave me love. Now, I'm giving it to you. Take care of it for me." Edward looked up at Brady, but the great expanse of whiteness was empty. Brady was gone. There was just one last whisper. "Live."

The next thing he knew, he was aware of machines beeping, and needles in the backs of both hands, and tubes down his nose and throat. His immediate response was to fight it. It wasn't a conscious thought, so much as a claustrophobic, animal fear.

"Edward, calm down. Calm down, you're okay." He shook his head, still trying to fight against the tubes and the needles. "Edward, wake up. You're in a hospital. You wouldn't wake up, and they had to bring you here." Slowly, he calmed down. The lights were too bright, and he struggled to see. "That's better," whoever was talking soothed him. It dawned on him that he was back. And then, he couldn't breathe. He couldn't- he fought the tubes, wanting them out, walking to escape, wanting death. But even that, he couldn't do right. "Hey, calm down. They worked so hard to wake you up. Please, just stop fighting it."

"Want to die," he managed. "Please." He felt heat surge through him from the needle in his left hand, and then unconsciousness took him again.

**Jacob**

Embry held Jacob back as nurses and doctors worked at the bed. Edward was fighting them. They were assured that this panic response was typical, but no one could ignore what they all heard Edward say just before they sedated him. They shouldn't be surprised. They'd all felt the exact same way. Of course, none of them had been quite so close to achieving that goal.

Embry, sometimes so unaware of the emotional needs of others, drew Jacob to him, and hugged him, shielding him from watching the nurses pull the breathing tube out of Edward's mouth. Eventually, the sedation wore off, and Edward's eyes fluttered open. Nurses were on hand if he tried to pull out a needle, but he was calm. He looked around the room, and as guarded as he'd been up until now, he couldn't help the tears that slid down his cheeks. The nurses, satisfied that he wasn't going to mess with the needles or the feeding tube, left, one by one, to see to their other patients. Edward rolled over on his side, drawing his knees up to his chest, trying to make himself smaller, if that was possible. Cautiously, Jacob went over to the bed.

"Edward," he started.

"I saw him," Edward said, fresh tears rolling unchecked onto the pillow.

"Who?"

"Brady. I saw him. I was so close to being with him again, and he told me I had to come back here. To you." Jacob looked up at Embry, at a loss.

"Sounds like something Brady would do," Embry signed.

"He said that I was the reason he could love, but that he wanted me to have someone who could already love before they met me," Edward continued. He wiped his eyes with the heels of his hands. "He told me he wanted me to live the life he wanted to live, and do the things he wanted to do, and go to the places he wanted to see. But mostly to live."

"So what are you going to do?" Jacob asked. Edward sighed.

"I guess I don't have much of a choice," he said. "I have to live."


	10. Chapter 10

**Edward**

With fluids and calories going into him, Edward's energy and spirit was slowly returning. He and Jacob went for walks around the hospital and outside when the weather was nice. Edward wasn't allowed to do exercise, so Jacob pushed him in the wheelchair, and they talked. Something that surprised Jacob was that once Edward got going, he was actually a very outgoing person who wanted connection, which meant that facing the end of this hospital stay and Edward being forced back to Ohio with his family was all the more difficult. But it was a perfect week. By the end of it, Edward had gained weight, and there was a spark to him that hadn't been there before. But now, he had to go back home. Back to where all the troubles started. And to compound the issue, his parents still refused to see the bigger picture, insisting that Edward's problems were caused by self esteem, or something equally obtuse.

His last day in the hospital, Edward had to have the feeding tube removed. Dr. Evans guided him on how to do relax to make it easier on himself, but it was not a pleasant experience. He had a final weigh in, and his parents signed the discharge papers, and took the packet of paperwork that Dr. Evans handed them.

"Remember, your child has only just begun to recover. Ongoing care is going to be vital for full recovery," she said sternly. Then she handed Edward a card with her work and personal numbers on it. "If you ever need to talk, don't hesitate," she said. He nodded and tried to smile.

He hugged Jacob and Embry. When he got to Bella, he hugged her and whispered, "Thanks for this trip. I owe you."

"Never," she said with a smile. "I'll see you in a couple days." He nodded, and sat back down in the wheelchair. He almost managed to keep his expression neutral until they were out the door, but wheeling away from Jacob and Embry was the second hardest goodbye of his life.

The trip home was hours of Tony bragging about his latest sports achievements. He started a play by play of the winning game, and Edward zoned out almost immediately. They stopped for food about three hours into the trip, but Edward couldn't make himself eat.

"Why did you let me buy it if you weren't going to eat it?" His dad asked scathingly. Edward forced himself to take a couple bites, and pushed the rest of it away. Back in the cay, he put his earbuds in, and stretched out across the seat. He fell asleep to music drowning out Tony's incessant voice.

"Beth, wake up." The music was gone, replaced by his dad's voice.

"Huh?" Edward sat up. Instant headache. The cold shot through him, and he pulled his hands inside his sweatshirt.

"We're home." Really? Edward glanced at his phone, but it was dead, and probably had been for a while.

"What time is it?" He asked, blearily following his dad inside.

"Almost 4. Go on up to bed." Jeez, he'd slept almost twelve hours. He headed up the stairs and dropped his backpack by the door before flopping down on his bed. How was he still tired? Maybe he'd take a shower. He grabbed a towel and went to the bathroom. A flick of his thumb on the doorknob locked it, and then he started the water and flipped off the lights. He undressed and stepped in under the water in the dark, letting the heat soak into him. He leaned an arm against the tiled wall, and rested his forehead on it, and finally let himself cry. No one would hear over the sound of the water. He was so full of grief - how many more goodbyes would he be forced to say? He felt as though whatever was left of his heart was breaking into pieces, and the pain of it, physical pain of a breaking heart, nearly floored him. He sank down to a crouch, hugging himself as tightly as he could, and rocked back and forth, trying as hard as he could to keep himself together.

"I can't do it, he thought. "I can't keep my promise. There's nothing left. No one left to live for. I'm sorry, Brady. I'm so sorry." He'd allowed himself to hope. Over and over, with Eric. With Brady. Now with Jacob. And none of them were here. Not one of them was here. And thank god they weren't, because what would they see if they were? Finally, he was all cried out. Bone-tired, he could barely keep his eyes open. He wrapped his towel around him, and grabbed his clothes and glasses, and crossed the hallway to his room. Somehow, he found a pair of sweatpants and a shirt, and pulled them on before he flopped onto his bed, asleep before his head hit the pillow.

**Jacob**

After Edward left, Embry and Bella bent their heads together, talking about something that Jacob couldn't hear. Embry tapped him on the shoulder to get his attention, and at first, Jacob wasn't sure he understood what Embry was signing.

"You want me to what?"

"Go with Bella and Mike and Michael back to Ohio," Embry repeated.

"But we're a team. We need each other," Jacob said. Embry gave a sad sort of smile.

"Do you need us?" Embry asked. Before Jacob could respond, he shook his head. "We did need each other. But we grew up. We're safe. And we'll always be here when you come back. But right now, Edward needs you more." Jacob hesitated, but he knew that Embry was right.

They went back to Clearwater so he could pack, and Bella collected her stuff and Mike and Michael. He wasn't sure what to bring to Ohio, having never been there before, so he shoved the warmest things he owned into a bag, and decided that he'd make Edward go shopping with him first thing when he arrived. Thank god for the several hundred thousand dollar grants they'd each received from the government after their rescue, and the fact that Embry and Jacob's parents had left them an inheritance when they'd died, which meant that not only did neither Jacob nor Embry have to work, they were all already set for life. Which meant that no matter what Jacob chose to do with the rest of his life, finance was not something he had to worry about. He tossed his bag into the his car, and hugged the other three goodbye.

"I'll call you and keep you updated," he promised.

"You'd better," Sam said.

"Here," Embry signed, and handed Jacob a set of knives in their very own case. "Just for my peace of mind. Even if you don't use them, at least I know you have them." Jacob hugged his brother again.

"Thanks. I'll be back," he promised.

"I know. And I'm sure I'll find my way to Cincinnati one of these days. A road trip sounds like it might happen soon, anyway," Embry signed.

Jacob tossed the knife case in the passenger seat, and set off. Thirteen hours of driving lay ahead of him, and he settled into the trip. The further North he got, the colder it got. He made it through Atlanta before he had to stop and buy warmer clothes. As a person from Russia, you would think he was built for cold, but standing at a gas pump to fill his tank, he decided that he hated it. Give him sun and heat over cold and snow any day.

He was tempted to call Edward, but he really wasn't sure what he'd say. Everything he wanted to say, needed to be said in person. So, he checked in with Sam, Jared and Embry a few times, and bought a whole set of warm clothes - jeans, sweatshirts, a coat. And back on the road, between the sometimes spotty radio reception and the total lack of quality music near Bowling Green, Kentucky, he imagined the conversation with Edward, a hundred different ways. Mostly, every scenario started out with "Surprise." He thought back to that moment at the hospital, where Edward tried to have a brave face, but he couldn't quite hold it until he'd turned away, and his true feelings were painfully obvious for just a fraction of a second. It was heartbreak, that was the only way to describe the look on his face. That he had to say goodbye to yet another person who he'd gotten close to. How did his parents not see it? How could they just ignore the fact that their _child_ was in so much pain. If not from Brady's loss, then at least from the party Tony threw. And, Jacob suspected, more parties like it. From experience, he knew that if a person was willing to do something like that once, they were certainly willing to do it again.

He was wired, so he decided to push through and drive the whole roughly fourteen hour drive all at once, and he crossed the bridge into Cincinnati at almost 6am, before most of the bustle of traffic or activity started for the day. He stopped for some gas, and immediately regretted getting out of his car. It was so cold, that even with three layers, his teeth were chattering within minutes. Once the tank was full, he gratefully warmed up, letting the hot air hit him for a long minute before starting to drive again. He had to pay closer attention now, as he approached Bella's house. Bella called ahead to her mom to tell her to expect him, and he noted the other houses on the street, including the one that had to be Edward's. A light was on in an upstairs window, but he didn't see any movement from it. Any normal person would be asleep, he assured himself. Surely Edward was sleeping, too.

He pulled into Bella's driveway, keeping to the side to allow Hannah's car to leave, and Bella's to pull in, whenever she and Mike returned. He knocked on the door, and Hannah opened it almost immediately, ushering him inside from the cold.

"Jacob," she said, with a warm hug. "So nice to meet you. Bella said they stopped overnight at a hotel, but that they should be back tomorrow. I bet you're exhausted, so I'll let you settle in, and we can talk later." She showed him to a room, and he gratefully sank onto the bed. He was exhausted, and sleep that so often eluded him, arrived quickly and easily.

His dreams, when he had them, were often nightmares, but today, he was blessed with easy, peaceful sleep. The hope and possibility of what might be in store for tomorrow colored everything, and he knew that as long as Edward was still here, there was still a chance. He'd never been one to give up, and there was no way, after everything, that he was giving up on Edward. And, he hoped, Edward wasn't giving up on him. Only time would tell. For now, the universe was allowing him to sleep. He sighed, and sank down into the bed. And then he remembered something, and pulled out his phone to text Sam.

"Made it."


	11. Chapter 11

**Edward**

Edward planned on not getting out of bed the next day. His parents were both back to work, and who knew what Tony's plans were, although having done so well at the tournament, there was talk about some kind of party. It helped that he woke up late, but even through his closed and locked door, he could hear preparations for something. Around noon, he woke up and couldn't get back to sleep. He went downstairs, noting the tables set up and the decorations A bunch of Tony's teammates and friends were in and out of the house, letting in gusts of cold air every time they opened the door. Among them, Edward saw Eric, but no one was paying attention to him. He went to the kitchen for food, and once he had what he wanted, he went back upstairs. It was almost laughably easy to binge, and then go to the bathroom, start a shower, and throw it all up and watch it wash down the drain. No one ever caught him. And now, stomach empty, he went back to his room, threw away the trash, and lay back in his bed. His old schedule was falling quickly back into place, and he welcomed it. He spent the next few hours watching Netflix and dozing. Every time he purged, it made him so tired. But it took the edge off the hunger that wanted to gnaw at his insides. He was thinking about the food downstairs, and toying with the idea of another binge and purge session, when his door opened. Two of Tony's teammates stood in the doorway, with wicked grins on their faces. So this was it, then, he thought. This tired game. He didn't fight it when they brought him down the stairs, and as he descended the staircase, he scanned the group of easily a couple hundred people for anyone who might help him, daring to hope once again. But there was no one, and why would there be? This was Tony's party, and these were his friends. They parted as the two teammates led Edward to the middle of the living room, where Tony's girlfriend of the month waited with a wine bottle. Edward stood, waiting for them to get it over with. They all let out a cheer when Tony broke through to the front.

"Alright, the rules are simple," he announced, as if he were a gameshow host. "If the bottle lands on you, you get to do whatever you want to whoever you want. The key is, you only get to do it to the opposite sex." There were jeers and oooo's from the assembled group. Edward closed his eyes and just let it happen. And to be fair, most of them wanted to have their fun with each other. A few, though, especially the ones he'd played soccer with last semester, and who didn't think he belonged on a team with them, were itching for a fight. He was expecting something like what happened last time, but he should have known better. The mood among these boys was completely different. The first one the bottle landed on, held up a beer bong. Two of the others held Edward's arms to his sides, while the lucky winner shoved the end of the hose into his mouth, and poured some mixture of alcohol into the funnel end of it. The more Edward tried to fight it, the more the all laughed. But the next one had other ideas. There was an almost ringing silence when this kid hit him, a punch to his jaw that sent his whole body reeling. The kid was a hulking, six foot former soccer captain at their school, and he was in a rage. A charged circle formed around him and the former team captain, and a ringing silence fell across the group. Edward lay where he'd fallen. He didn't want to fight anyone. He didn't have the strength to fight anyone. And besides, what these guys were mad about wasn't his fault. And then the circle was breaking up. Someone was abating the tension. He looked up just as Eric slid into view.

"Come on," he said, pulling Edward up.

"What are you doing?" Edward asked.

"What I should have done last time," Eric said, getting his coat from the closet, and guessing which one was Edward's. He pulled his coat on, and made sure Edward was bundled up, and led the way outside. Edward followed him blindly. What happened next made no sense to him. Bella came out of almost nowhere, and she was shouting something at Eric. And then there was Mike, guiding Edward somewhere. But Edward physically just couldn't take it anymore, with the alcohol and the lack of food, and all of the sudden his balance gave way, and he was leaning heavily on Mike.

"Here, let me help." Wait, Jacob? That was it, he'd cracked. There was no way in hell that Jacob was here. Couldn't be. And yet, there was no mistaking him.

**Jacob**

Bella and Mike arrived at the house in the early evening. Jacob was anxious by the time they pulled up. He'd been watching the neighbors set up the party, and more and more of them arrive. Cars lined the street, and he saw more than one teenager carry in bottles of alcohol, and who knew what else. The party was in full swing when they got there, and Mike was about to shove his way inside to lead the way to where Edward should be, up in his room, Edward came out of the house with another guy.

"How dare you," Bella said, pushing him away from Edward. Jacob helped Mike get Edward the few hundred yards to Bella's house, and once Bella was done yelling at Eric, he held the door for them.

"'S okay," Edward mumbled. "Eric helped… uh… get them to stop." He wobbled, even though he was sitting, and he smiled a drunken smile and let out a little giggle. "Tony didn't expect that," he continued. "Thought he could let his team…" He trailed off, losing his train of thought. He turned to Jacob. "You're supposed to be in… uh… hmm… Clearwater, yeah. Aren't your people gonna miss you?" He got up and stumbled drunkenly away.

"Edward, you're-"

"God, if one more person tells me what I need to do one more time," he gripped the edge of the table to catch himself before he fell.

"I was just going to say-"

"Just go," Edward cut him off. He didn't turn toward them, but there was no denying the crack in his voice. "You're going to go eventually, so it might as well be now." Jacob didn't know exactly what prompted him to do it, but he got up and strode the few steps to where Edward was standing. He turned him around, and lifted his chin and kissed him. Edward froze, rigid, caught completely off guard. And then he melted into the kiss, clinging to Jacob as if for dear life. Jacob slid a hand down his back to press him closer. Jacob had always had people to look up to, physically and emotionally, but now he slid into the role of the biggest person, as if it was made for him. Edward fit, the way no one else ever had or would. They broke apart, and Edward stared at him, emotions raging through him, and questions running through his head even faster. But Jacob wouldn't let him second guess this, and kissed him again, this time softer, slower, Fingers tangling in his hair, the hand at his back, holding him close. How could he explain with words how he felt? Words couldn't do it justice. Neither of them noticed that Bella and Mike had disappeared. Jacob took Edward's hand, laced their fingers together, and led him to the bedroom. As the door clicked shut, he pressed Edward up against it, kissing every exposed inch of his skin. Lips, neck, Edward lifted his chin, and Jacob trailed kisses and gentle bites down his neck. He reached down and hooked a hand under Edward's knee, and drew his leg up and around Jacob's waist. Edward pulled him close, closing his mouth over Jacob's, and Jacob rolled his hips. A breathless moan escaped Edward, and he shed his coat and pulled off his shirt. Jacob picked him up, bringing both of Edward's legs around his waist, and pressing him more firmly against the door, maneuvering his way out of his own shirt.

"I want you," he whispered into Edward's neck. "But I want you sober. But that doesn't mean I can't give you what I've wanted to give you for days." He carried Edward to the bed, and lowered himself onto him, still connected at the groin, both of them filled with desire for the other, and both could feel that desire in the other. But Jacob was determined to make this special. Drunk or not, Edward was still Edward, and this was a moment he didn't want to forget. Slowly, torturously, he began to kiss Edward, every inch of him, returning to his lips, every few kisses, noting spots that made Edward groan and pant, all the while, rolling his hips against him, achingly slowly building desire. He bit and sucked and kissed Edward, memorizing every inch of him, until neither of them could stand it, and then, finally, he rolled himself against Edward with more urgency, thin pajama bottoms and sweatpants doing nothing to hide their desire for one another. Edward cried out, ecstasy in his face, and a moment later, Jacob was there with him, pressing his face into Edward's neck, both of them breathless as the bliss of sex subsided. Neither one of them could move, and neither one wanted to move, so apart from pulling the comforter over them, they fell asleep as they were, still locked in an embrace as intimate as sex.

And this was how they woke up later. Jacob woke up first, gingerly lifting himself off of Edward to save him the discomfort of waking up in a position he didn't remember, but as he shifted, Edward stirred and pulled him closer. All of him. The friction and warmth against his already hard morning wood did not help to make it calm down, and he did his best to think about other things, but then he looked at Edward to see Edward awake and taking stock of the situation. Edward looked at him, a serious expression on his face, but he didn't pull away.

"Did you mean it last night?" He asked quietly.

"Did I mean what?"

"That you wanted me, but only if I was sober?"

"What do you think?" There was no hiding his current situation from Edward, not when they were flush together. Edward shifted to get up, and Jacob took that as his answer and moved to let him up. But then Edward took his hand, and pulled him up too, pushing his against the wall next to the bed.

"Good, because I'm sober, and I want a full repeat of last night, play by play." He said. In response, Jacob leaned in to kiss him. And again, the kiss was full of passion that took both their breath away. Jacob shoved off his own pants, and then Edward's, and drew Edward's leg back up to his waist. Bracing Edward against the wall, he brought Edward's other leg up around his waist This time, instead of the resistance of clothing, he found what he wanted, and entered Edward, kissing his neck as Edward let his head fall back. And then he lay Edward down on the bed, their bodied moving in sync, in a rhythm that was uniquely theirs. They reached the climax at almost the same moment, kisses and moans mingling in their ecstacy. Once it abated, Edward made Jacob roll over on his back, and straddled his lap, on hands and knees over him.

"You came here for me," he said, his expression once again turning serious.

"Yes," Jacob said, finding his hand and lacing their fingers.

"Why?" Edward asked.

"Because I love you." Edward's brow furrowed, and he blinked hard.

"You love me?" He asked, and sudden tears welled up in his eyes.

"I loved you from the moment Brady told me about you." He sat up, keeping Edward where he was, so they were face to face, bodies still flush with each other, but the desire sated. He wanted to look Edward in the eye when he said what he needed to say. "I love you, and no matter what you say, or how you say it, it's not going to change." Edward looked at him cautiously, carefully for a long moment, his expression unreadable. He seemed torn. And then his eyes welled up with tears.

"I'm scared," he said finally, wiping away tears as they spilled over.

"I know."


	12. Chapter 12

**Edward**

Edward didn't know how long they lay in bed. They were under blankets, but neither of them felt like moving, so their clothes still lay in crumpled piles on the floor. Jacob held him, safe and close, one hand stroking his hair, and the other arm around him, not to keep him confined, but to give him a sense of security.

"Edward," he said finally, breaking the silence.

"Hmm?"

"What happened to your face?"

"My face?" Edward had no idea what he was talking about, until Jacob touched his jaw. Edward had completely forgotten about that. "Oh… it was just something dumb," he said. It was such a complicated situation. Jacob waited, and it was clear he wanted to hear it. Edward sighed. "This past season, at my school, I made the Varsity soccer team, and the coach took the captain C from another guy and said that because some of us were pulling our weight and others weren't, he was going to hold tryouts and see which one of us deserved the C. My parents all but insisted I try for it, and what the hell, it's not like I had any chance. No one in their right mind would make me captain. Except the coach did, because Tony was the team captain until he graduated last year, and I'm a legacy. So the former captain was pissed, and at Tony's party last night, he hit me."

"That's stupid."

"That's high school," Edward corrected. "Whatever. He got it out of his system, I think, and it could have been a lot worse." Jacob looked at him sharply at that.

"So because it could have been worse, you're going to ignore that it happened?" He asked

"Mhm. Have you seen the size of him? He's got a foot and easily a hundred pounds on me. I'm going to consider myself lucky. It's not like I can play soccer anymore, anyway." He sat up, and almost immediately cringed and lay back against the pillows.

"What's wrong?"

"Alcohol. Alcohol is very wrong, and a horrible thing." He rolled over on his stomach, burying his face in the pillow.

"Maybe next time lay off the alcohol, then," Jacob suggested.

"I didn't drink it by choice."

"But then how…" Realization dawned on Jacob, and his expression grew dark. "You're never going back there," he said firmly.

"I have to," he said, forcing himself to sit up and look for his clothes as his mood sank like a rock. "I need clothes. And stuff." He pulled on the pajama pants and the t shirt he was wearing last night. Now that he was upright, his headache pounded, and he gritted his teeth. Jacob pulled on his own pants and shirt, and followed Edward out to the kitchen.

"Then you're not going alone," he said. Bella sat at the kitchen table, feeding Michael.

"Morning," she said.

"Hi," Jacob said. "Do you have any aspirin?" But Edward was already in the bathroom, swallowing several Ibuprofen with a mouthful of water from the tap. He pulled on the coat that wasn't his, and braced himself for the cold.

"Edward, at least have breakfast before you go," Bella called after him.

"Not hungry," Edward said. Jacob grabbed his coat, too, and jogged the few steps to catch up to him.

"Hey," he said, catching up to Edward and turning him around so they were facing each other. "Talk to me. What happened?" Edward hesitated. Finally, he sighed in resignation.

"This," he gestured between them. "This is not reality. Not for me. My reality is that," he pointed at his house. "My reality doesn't get to include you. That's why Brady died. I get it now. Other people get the relationship with who they want. Other people get someone in their lives who cares if they're taking care of themselves or not. Other people can eat what they want, and live the way they want. But not. Me."

"But you have me."

"For how long, though? Because sooner or later, you're going to leave, and then it'll all be over." Tears welled up, and he dashed them away angrily. "Why do you care? What do you want?"

"I don't know," Jacob said slowly. "I want someone to love. And when Brady told us about you, and you showed him over and over how much you cared about him, no matter what he'd gone through, I knew that was what I wanted. Someone like you who could love me the way you love him. And I tried not to fall for you. What kind of person would I be if I screwed up one of the best things to happen to one of my best friends? But after he died, and you were so sad, and just needed someone, I decided that if I could give you some kind of comfort, and show you that you still had people, then that would be enough for me." Edward sighed.

"That doesn't make any sense," he said.

"Is it really so hard to believe that someone would care about you? Or do you really not see yourself clearly?" Edward gave him a slanted look. "I'm serious," Jacob said. "If you don't believe that I would care about you, then you're seriously missing something about yourself. But I'm not giving up on you."

**Jacob**

They walked the rest of the way in silence, and maybe it was just that neither knew what to say. Edward unlocked the door with the spare key, and led the way inside. The house was picture perfect. You never would have guessed that a big party happened here just hours ago. Jacob wondered about the house Edward grew up in, but Edward didn't waste time looking around. He took the stairs two at a time, and went to the second door, his bedroom. Compared to the rest of the house, it was sparse. A bed, a closet, a small loveseat, a guitar, and an older model keyboard. A few nicknacks were arranged on the keyboard, but all together, there was little to show that this room was inhabited by anyone. Edward unzipped his backpack, and tossed the crumpled clothes into the hamper, before pulling some jeans and hoodies out of the closet. He folded them and packed them in the backpack, and slid his laptop in the back pocket. Finally, he looked at Jacob, and it was all Jacob could do not to go to him and kiss him.

"I keep expecting you to realize you've reached your limit," Edward said. Just then, they heard the front door slam, and Tony's footsteps thunder up the stairs. Edward froze, barely breathing, but Tony just went to his room, was there for about a minute, and then left again. Once the front door had again slammed shut and they were alone, Jacob could see him visibly relax. What was it about his brother that scared him so much? Jacob had some idea, but it was all just speculation at this point.

"I want to tell you a story," he said. He looked around the room, and settled on the loveseat. He patted the cushion next to him. Edward sat down. "I know you know some of how and when my brother and I were taken, but I want to tell you the whole thing. I grew up in Russia, with my brother and our parents. My dad was strict, but he was a good dad. He always made sure we had everything he needed, and a lot of what we wanted. He and Embry butted heads a lot. Embry was being groomed to take over the business, but he had little interest in working in a suit and tie. Can you imagine him doing a boardroom meeting?" Jacob flashed a grin at the idea. "So the summer I turned eight, they were planning this big trip to the USA. We were so excited. It was going to be a big business opportunity for my dad, and he wanted to give up a big vacation to celebrate. So we arrived in Orlando, and went to the big theme parks. It was the trip of a lifetime. On the last day, Dad had a meeting, the big one he was there for, so Mom took us to one of the parks, just the three of us. She went to get something, food, maybe? While we were in line for a ride, and once she walked off, this guy came up to us, and said something that we didn't understand. Our English wasn't what it is now. He was dressed like a security guard, so we thought we had to go with him. I remember this feeling of dread that came over me as he took us away. We were going the opposite way to where Mom went. I wish that we'd fought him while we had the chance, or made some kind of a scene. But we were just kids, and how were we supposed to know that there was real evil in the world? We were at the happiest place on earth. Once we were out of the park, of course we were both asking him where we were going, but who knows if he understood us, or if he was just ignoring us. But he put us in the back of one of those panel vans, the ones without windows. There was a sort of cage front just behind the front seats, so we could scream all we wanted, but the only way to get out of that van was if someone on the outside opened the door. I'm not sure how long they drove, but we ended up somewhere in Clearwater. They took Embry, but they left me behind. He told me he'd be back for me, and not to be afraid. That was the last time I heard his voice. The next time I saw him was a year later. I was in a holding cell in a basement. When the door opened, and one by one, the others came in. Sam was first, then Jared, then Brady, and finally Embry, but there was blood streaming down his neck, soaking his clothes. I didn't recognize him at first. Apart from what they described as my work, I was almost completely isolated for that first year. I mean, he was absolutely covered in blood. And they told us that if he died, then one by one, we'd get the same punishment. He'd tried to escape, and almost succeeded. We kept him alive. They gave us a first aid kit, with just the bare essentials, some gauze, a few bandages. Sam and I managed to get the bleeding to stop, and bandage the injury so that as long as he didn't move much, the bleeding wouldn't start up again. But they'd severed his vocal chords, and even after he healed, he was never able to speak again. We helped him to develop a sign language, and since he was learning it, we all did. The worst times were when we didn't have each other, but eventually, they always put us back in the holding cell together. Every time, I was sure I wasn't going to see any of them again. And you know from Brady what was going on in the meantime. We never thought we'd be rescued. We were all convinced that we'd age out, and they'd kill up or we'd end up in some red light district. And then one day, our handlers were panicking. We were all in the holding cell, but Brady wasn't there. And then someone was banging on the door, and it blasted open, and all these police in black with guns drawn were swarming the room. There was shouting, and confusion, and they told us to get on the ground. When the dust cleared, and they realized what they were seeing, they got us all in a police van. None of us knew what was happening, and it didn't dawn on us for a long time that it was all over. Even when Brady and Esme came to talk to us in the hospital, none of us truly believed that we were safe. It took months for some of us.

"So my limit," he said, "is a lot higher than you might expect. If all of us could come back from what happened to us, I have no doubt that you can, too."


	13. Chapter 13

**Edward**

"You want to get out of here?" Jacob asked, and Edward nodded gratefully. Jacob didn't seem to need him to respond to the story, and for that Edward was grateful. He led the way down the stairs, but then he stopped in his tracks. His mom stood in the doorway, and she didn't look happy.

"We need to talk," she said. "Your friend can go." Jacob started to step forward and say something, but Edward put a hand on his wrist.

"No," he said. Jacob squeezed his hand, and went down the stairs and out the door. Edward closed his eyes at the click of the door behind him, and then he slowly walked down the stairs to his mother. She was looking at him with a cold fury that made him want to shrivel up and disappear.

"Do you have _any_ explanation for your behavior?" She asked. He shook his head. "Do you have any idea what kind of damage you're doing to our family image? Skipping school, going off to god knows where with god knows who, completely unnecessary trips to the hospital when there's nothing wrong with you. Your brother was never like this." He walked into the kitchen, and she followed him. "Don't walk away from me, Elizabeth. You have some serious explaining to do."

"I don't know, Mom. I can't give you an answer. It wasn't planned."

"Well this is what you're going to do. You're going to go with me right now to explain to your teachers what happened, and then you're going to get your place on the track and soccer teams back. And you're going to cut the crap. You've used up all your chances." Edward nodded. Better to just go with it, he always thought. He put on his coat and followed her out to the car. He didn't look toward Bella's house, or Jacob, who he could feel was watching. He put his earbuds in and turned up the volume.

At the school, they walked to the principal's office. Principal Parker was a severe, no nonsense woman, who was well-versed in the ways of the upper middle class kids at this school. Edward generally didn't arrive in her sights, but of course she knew who his family was. Tony certainly made sure of that. Edward and his mom sat at the desk, and his mom launched into a monologue of her version of events. Eventually, Principal Parker raised her hand and turned to Edward.

"Ms. Masen, can you promise me that you'll finish the year without another blemish to your record?"

"Yes ma'am."

"Then I'm willing to overlook this lapse. But if you have a repeat of this past week, then action will have to be taken."

"I understand," he said. She nodded, and Edward and his mom stood up. Their next stop was the athletics department. Mr. Ross, the head track coach, was in the coaches office. He stood up when they came in, and again, Edward's mom took her time, explaining her version of events, and asked the coach to give Edward a chance to try out for the varsity track team.

"Of course there's a spot for Elizabeth on the team. Are you sure you're up for it?" He asked Edward. Edward nodded. "Alright then, the second round of tryouts is this Wednesday after school, and the outdoor season schedule will be handed out once tryouts are completed."

"She'll see you Wednesday," Edward's mom said, getting up. Edward followed her, and they went out to the car. On the ride home, she was still talking. "Beth, you aren't going to spend time with Bella for a while. I thought she would be a good friend for you, but it seems I was wrong. And your friend from earlier, I'm not having it. Their influence over you is disappointing for me as a parent, and I will not let you throw away your life because of some teenage angst. You're going to go to school, make friends with girls there, and move on from whatever this is." Edward watched the scenery go by, and said nothing. "Do you understand me?" She asked, raising her voice.

"Yes."

"Good. I expect a change in your behavior. Immediately." Edward pressed his lips together, but he didn't say anything. It wouldn't do any good. She pulled into their driveway. "I have to go back to work. I'll be late tonight." He got out and went up to the house. Inside, he watched as she drove away, and then he went to the kitchen. He pulled out junk food, snacks, ice cream, anything he could get his hands on, and he ate and drank until he was finally full, until it hurt, and he couldn't fit anything else in. And then he went upstairs, moving gingerly because his stomach hurt, and started the shower. He stripped and got in, giving himself a few minutes under the water to relax and settle his stomach. Then he bent over and threw it up. Over and over until the only thing he was choking up was bile. He washed it all down the drain, and when it was gone and the shower was clean, he rested against the tile, breathing hard. His heart felt like it was going a million miles an hour, but as uncomfortable as this was, he felt a hundred times better than he had at the school or with his mother. Slowly, the dizziness passed, and his heart returned to normal. He kept a finger on the pulse at his neck, sort of to assure himself that he was still alive. He let the hot water hit him, relaxing every muscle. When he was finally ready to get out, he let himself stand, naked, in the bathroom as the cooler air hit him. He felt good. Purging tended to do this. During the process, it was hell, but the aftermath felt great. Out of habit, he checked the scale, to ensure that he'd gotten everything out. He finished drying himself off and pulled his clothes on. He shouldered his backpack, and slipped out of the house and down the street to Bella's.

**Jacob**

Ater Edward left with his mom, Jacob went back to Bella's house. He called Sam, and then he helped Bella with Michael. Mike'd gotten some time off work for the trip, but now that they were back home, he was back at it.

Jacob was charmed by Michael, as almost everyone who met him was. He was a really pretty baby. Jacob couldn't help but see the innocence in him. Innocence that could so easily be taken. He'd been playing with the baby for a couple of hours when the door opened, and Edward came in. Edward took stock of the room, and then without a word, he took Jacob's hand and went to Jacob's bedroom. As soon as the door clicked shut, he turned around and pushed Jacob against it. He rested his forehead against Jacob's chest. Jacob wrapped his arms around him.

"Did you mean it?" Edward asked, his voice thick.

"Mean what?"

"That you love me."

"Of course I meant it," Jacob said.

"There's no such thing as 'of course,'" Edward said, shaking his head. "Not with this."

"Fine. Yes, I meant it."

"Take me back to Florida. Please?" Now, Jacob pushed Edward away to get a good look at his face.

"What happened?" He asked.

"Nothing's changed. Nothing is going to change. As long as they have their stupid image intact, they're happy." Edward went to the window, seat, looking out over the neighborhood. Jacob came up behind him, and put his hands on Edward's shoulders, massaging the tense muscles.

"Want to get out of here?" He asked. Edward turned around and looked up at him. They were so close, and Jacob cupped Edward's cheek. Edward lifted his head, and kissed him. "On second thought, we could just stay here."

"Mmmm…" Edward stayed resting against his chest, and he so rarely asked for comfort that Jacob relished the chance to just hold him. But something Embry reminded him, threatened to ruin the moment.

"Hey Edward?"

"Hmm?"

"Did you eat today?" He felt Edward draw in a breath. "Or yesterday?" Edward didn't say anything for a long moment.

"Depends," he said carefully.

"On what?" Wasn't it a yes or no question?

"Ate or digested?" Edward pulled away and went to sit on the bed.

"Look, I know you're a smart kid. You know how bad that is for you," Jacob said.

"Really? Thanks, I'm cured." Edward snapped. Then he clenched his jaw and closed his eyes for a long moment. "I'm sorry," he said. "It's just that it's so _fucking_ easy to say stuff like that, but it's so hard to actually do it."

"Why do you do it?" Jacob asked. He sat down next to Edward, who drew a knee up to his chest and hugged it, appraising Jacob thoughtfully.

"You really want to know?" He asked, head cocked. Jacob nodded. "It's an appetite suppressant. I mean, it started out being a solution for when I ate too much. Fill yourself up, then push reject. Simple. But then it was too suspicious to go throw up after every meal, and my parents started wondering why I disappeared after dinner every night, so I would just not eat all day, and then eat a lot when no one was around, and then throw it up. And I learned pretty quickly that if you do it like that, afterwards, you don't feel hungry, even if your stomach is empty. It curbs your appetite, and you don't have the urge to eat anymore."

"Doesn't it hurt or whatever?"

"No, not really. Maybe I'm just too used to it, I don't know."

"Is there anything you'll be willing to eat and not throw up?" Jacob asked. Edward laughed, and nodded.

"Yeah, actually. Most white foods are safe. I'm not sure why, but I think it's that it feels like they have less nutritional value, so the body gets less from them. Things like rice, or egg whites, or chicken, that kind of thing. And then vegetables and fruit. Because if anyone tells you they got fat eating apples or something, they're lying."


	14. Chapter 14

**Edward**

This was it for sure. This was when Jacob was going to tell him to go to hell out, and never come back. He could feel Jacob reaching the same conclusion.

"I need to go do something," Jacob said, standing up. He had an odd look on his face. Edward fought to keep his face neutral, and nodded. He didn't move for a long moment, until he heard the front door open, and then close. Then he stood up and zipped his coat, meaning to slip out before Bella or anyone could stop him. And it would have worked, except that Mike was in the kitchen putting groceries away.

"Hey," Mike said. "Give me a hand?" Edward's escape would have to wait. "How are you?" Mike asked from the pantry, where he was stocking cans.

"I'm fine," Edward said. He opened the refrigerator to put away the eggs and lunch meat. Mike started to say something, but Edward wasn't finished. "I'm just… waiting for the other shoe to drop. Sooner or later, everything good that's happening right now is going to fall apart."

"You don't know that for sure," Mike said.

"My track record says I do," Edward countered. "Soon, he's going to leave. They all do. So what's the point of getting close to him? Let's face it, I already had my chance at the whole happy ending thing, and he died."

"Brady was not your chance at a happy ending," Mike said gently. "He was special, but he was sick, Edward. Loss can not be what the universe has in store for you. I refuse to believe that someone like you doesn't have a chance at being happy. Brady was… Well, maybe the reason he was in your life was so that _you_ could love _him._ Maybe he wasn't your happy ending. Maybe you were _his_." The carton of eggs slipped out of Edward's hand, and broke open, raw egg going everywhere.

"Shit, I'm sorry. I just-" he reached for a towel to clean up the mess, but Mike was already there.

"It's fine," Mike said. "I got this." Edward backed away. He had to get out of there. He had to- "Edward, wait," Mike called after him, but he was already out the door, running away from the truth that he'd always sort of known, but never wanted to face. He was Zachary Lee's happy ending, and he was the reason Zachary Lee was dead.

There was a reason that the track coach was willing to fudge the rules for Edward, and why the soccer coach wanted him as captain, even though he wasn't a senior. Edward could run, and even though now he wasn't physically healthy, he had stamina. He'd always been a good runner, and having an eating disorder that made exercise a priority meant that he ran a lot. So now, even in jeans and a heavy coat, with snow and ice on the sidewalks, he ran. He knew he could keep going for miles. He paused to pull out his phone and crank up the music, and then he was off again, running north along the busy main street. He kept going, past stores and businesses, pausing only when he had to wait for a crosswalk. And all the while, Mike's words drummed through his head, over the music blasting his ears.

"_Maybe he wasn't your happy ending. Maybe you were his." _

"Some happy fucking ending," he thought. "Why couldn't it have been me? I would have died for you, a million times. I wanted to die. You had everything to live for. Why you?" Rage coursed through him, at the unfairness of life, and when someone ahead of him glanced back, and slowed to run with him, he only moved over so one of them could pass the other. They stopped at a crosswalk across from his high school to wait for the light to change.

"Hey," Edward glanced up, and pulled out his earbuds. Eric.

"Hi," he said.

"What are you doing out here?"

"Dunno, needed some air." Edward shrugged.

"I actually wanted to talk to you." Edward looked at him warily. "Let's head back," Eric suggested. Edward didn't want to go back. He wanted to be anywhere but where life reminded him of Brady. Eric noted his expression. "Fine, what about my house? I really need to talk to you."

"So talk."

"It's freezing. Come on." Eric led him to his car, and turned on the heater. "I heard coach is going to let you on the track team," he said, pulling out into traffic.

"Yeah, my mom really pushed for that," Edward said, looking out at the drab grey snow.

"You don't want to run?"

"I was hoping to get through the last year and a half of high school without pissing anyone else off." They drove in silence for a long moment. "So what were you doing, training, if you don't want to run?"

"I wasn't training. I told you, I needed some air." Eric turned onto a side street, and into the driveway at one of the houses. He parked, and they headed inside. He took his shoes off, and left them by the door. Edward followed suit, and then followed him up the stairs to his room. Eric's room had changed little since the last time Edward was here a few months ago. Sports trophies lined a shelf, and the desk with the computer still had the little duck Edward had laughed at the last time he was here.

"I have to tell you something," Eric said, and Edward noted he was nervous. "Look, why don't you sit down. Can I get you anything? Water? Or gatorade or something? Are you hungry?"

"I'm fine," Edward said.

"Okay. Look. Remember when we were... Sort of dating?" Eric asked. Edward nodded. "And then Tony told everyone you were transgender."

"What about it?" Edward asked. That particular high school experience wasn't one he liked to dwell on.

"Well, first I want to say I'm sorry. I freaked, and then people started asking me if I knew, and if I saw you as a guy and I was like a deer in headlights, so I- I did the wrong thing. And then I kept doing the wrong thing. I made so many mistakes. I'm sorry, Edward." Edward cocked his head, thinking back. It was true, most people always used his dead name, but Eric was one of the only ones who switched over to Edward when the whole trans thing came out. "The truth is, I was terrified. My reputation was on the line, and I didn't look beyond that to see what kind of damage I was contributing to causing to you."

"Well, that's not-" Edward started, but Eric held up a hand.

"Please, let me finish," he said. Edward nodded for him to continue. "I didn't realize it until the other day at Tony's party, but whatever gender you are, I can't get you out of my head. I know I don't have a chance with you anymore, and I wasted the chance that I did have, but I just want to say, I hope that you get to be happy with your new person."

"You… Wait, what?" Eric started to say something, but Edward held up a hand. "When are you people going to realize how fucking toxic I am, and learn that I am not who any of us wishes I was? You. Brady. Jacob. How many more people am I going to hurt before you all figure out that the best thing for all of you is to just stay away."

"Edward… What are you talking about? You're not toxic. What does that even mean?"

"It's like there's something inside me that hurts everyone I get close to. Every time I try to get close to anyone, every time I try to hope that this time will be different, it always falls apart. It always ends badly. I get hurt, but so do they. The only common denominator with any of you, is me. You all got hurt because of me."

"I don't think-"

"My family, you, my friends at that stupid party, Brady…" Edward cut him off. "And now there's Jacob, and he keeps trying, and I can't hurt him too. Not after everything he's already been through. I can't let him open himself up to whatever this could be, and then get hurt because of me."

"Break ups happen, though. And I mean, what Tony had his friends do you you was awful, but you're taking the blame yourself. What am I missing?" Edward took a long, shaky breath.

"I… I had a boyfriend who I loved. He was precious. He was everything I wanted. But he went through stuff I could never have gone through, and he survived. He came to visit over Christmas, and it was the perfect holiday. We spent the entire time he was here, together. But then, when he went home, he got really sick. It was in his lungs. Pneumonia. He didn't get better. And then he was gone. And it was so fucking fast. One minute he was here, and the next thing I knew, I'm never going to see him again."

"Okay, but that doesn't make it your fault."

"It does if I gave it to him," Edward whispered. This truth that he'd never told anyone, this one secret that he deserved to die for, weaseled its way out of him. "I'm the reason he got sick. He's gone because of me. I had pneumonia two weeks before he came to visit, and I gave it to him."

"And now you can't get close to anyone else, or you're afraid you'll do the same thing to them," Eric finished for him. Edward nodded. "And everything bad that's happened to you, your mind is twisting to blame on you. But you didn't cause your brother to be a dick. Or me to make the mistakes I made. Or your friends to act the way they did. Edward, you don't have that much power. And just so you know, pneumonia bacteria doesn't stay around that long once the person is recovered."

"Then why do I feel the way I feel?" Edward asked. "Why do I feel like I have to pay for what I did? I would do anything to go back and fix everything. I wouldn't have told my parents I was trans. I wouldn't have let him come here. I wouldn't have done any of it." He was crying now, the flood of emotion too hard to hold back. "And I'm so s-sorry. I put you in a horrible position."

"Edward, listen to me. You did _nothing_ wrong. Do you hear me? Nothing. And I have to believe that Tony doesn't realize the damage he's done to you. And your parents must not see it either. And I never met Brady, but I can't imagine he blames you for getting sick, either. It wasn't your fault. Shit, you're seventeen. No average seventeen year old has enough of an impact on the world around them to deserve as much guilt as you're carrying around. Trust me. Now, will you let me drive you home, or is there someone else you'd rather call to come pick you up?"

"I'd rather walk," Edward heard himself saying. Eric looked at him sharply.

"There's no way in hell that you're walking anywhere. It's freezing out there." In the end, Eric drove him back to Bella's house.

"Thanks for… everything," Edward said when they pulled up to the house.

"Don't mention it," Eric said, reaching out to open Edward's door. Edward took a deep breath, nodded, and went inside.


	15. Chapter 15

**Jacob**

Jacob pulled up to Bella's house to see Edward getting out of a car. He recognized the driver as the kid Bella called Eric. Edward's ex. He tried not to assume anything when he went inside. Edward was taking his time with his shoes and coat when Jacob came in.

"Hey," Jacob said. He couldn't help the rush of warmth he felt, just being around Edward.

"Hi," Edward said. "Can we talk?"

"Sure, just let me put these in the kitchen," Jacob picked up a couple of paper grocery bags.

"What'd you get?" Edward asked, following him.

"Well, you said that you struggled with most food besides white stuff. So I thought if you had some options, then you might be willing to have dinner with me," Jacob said. He set the bags on the counter.

"You did that for me?" Edward asked.

"Well, yeah. It's not like you gave me that hard of a list to follow." He put the stuff away, and then followed Edward into the bedroom. "What did you want to talk about?"

"I just… I guess I thought when you left, that that was it. That you had enough." Jacob took a deep breath, and then he looked at Edward quizzically.

"You really don't get it, do you? Edward, I've seen bad people. I've seen what they do and how they behave. Why do you keep acting like you're one of them? So you have an eating disorder. And depression. And a shitty home life. But none of those things makes you any less of a person. Honestly, I'm not sure why I care about you, but do I really need a reason? Sam and Embry and Jared have told me for ages that if I want something, I need to go for it. And unless that affection is unwanted, then not to let it go. And from what I can tell, my affection for you isn't unwanted. Is it?"

"Of course it's wanted," Edward said with a sigh.

"Well, good. But that doesn't answer my question. Why do you think you're a bad person? Because you aren't."

**Bella**

Bella's phone rang, and she gave a sort of double take when she saw Edward's name on the screen.

"Hello?" She said. Wasn't Edward in the other room with Jacob.

"Bella? It's Eric. Please don't hang up."

"What are you doing with Edward's phone?"

"He left it in my car. Look, I need to talk to you," Eric said.

"Then talk," she all but snapped. What the hell was Edward doing with Eric?

"We talked, and he told me something that, if I know him, I'm pretty sure he hasn't told anyone else."

"What exactly would he tell you that he hasn't told me? He trusts me a hell of a lot more than he trusts you." Eric sighed in exasperation.

"Look, I'm trying to help him here," he said. Edward told me that he blames himself for the death of someone named Brady. His boyfriend, right?"

"We knew that," Bella said. "But he's wrong. Brady died because of a heart condition."

"Did you know that Edward thinks he gave Brady pneumonia?" Bella's heart dropped like a stone. "He's convinced that he's toxic and he's going to hurt everyone he gets close to. It's tearing him apart, because I think he really likes this new guy. I can see it in him. He was never hard to read, and when he thinks he's going to hurt someone-"

"He pulls away to protect the people he cares about," she finished. "I have to go." She paused, and then put the phone back up to her ear. "And Eric? Thanks." She hung up, and a second later, she was dialing another number. "Emmett, hey, it's Bella. Listen, does Esme still have a copy of Brady's medical records? Great! Can you fax it over to me? Yeah, the whole thing." She rattled off the fax number, and a minute later, the machine buzzed to life. "Thanks." She hung up, and wet to the machine. She scanned each page for what she was looking for. There it was on the summary page - "Patient exhibits Hospital-Acquired Pneumonia. Tests confirmed the diagnosis." She closed her eyes, and held the paper for a moment. If what Eric said was true, and she was fairly certain it was, then this was the answer. This was why Edward was so… not Edward. She took the whole report, and went to the bedroom. She knocked, and Jacob opened the door. He looked from Bella to the papers she was holding and stepped bac. "Edward," she said, "We need to talk." Edward was sitting on the window seat. "You left your phone in Eric's car." Edward's hand went to his pocket out or reflex. "He called to tell me he had it, but he also told me about what you told him. You think you gave Brady pneumonia?" Behind her, Jacob drew in a breath of realization.

"But that-" he started, but Bella looked at him and shook her head.

"Edward, I want you to read this. It's the hospital report from those last two weeks." Edward took the papers, and drew his knees up to his chest. There was no missing the highlighted line. "Edward, he got pneumonia at the hospital. It's different from getting it from someone else. It responds to medications differently. You didn't give it to him. Have you really been carrying that on your shoulders this whole time?" Edward ran a finger across the highlighted line.

"I didn't make him sick," he said finally. "It wasn't me."

"No, it wasn't," Bella said, crouching in front of him, making him look at her. "You gave him so much," she said. "Edward, you were the light in his life. He called you his sunshine. You remember? When he knew he probably wasn't going to make it, the one thing he wanted was for you to be happy. Not to blame yourself for something that no one had any control over. If he was here right now, he would tell you exactly the same thing."

**Edward**

Edward read that line on the paper over and over, until it blurred and became obscured by the tears in his eyes. A cool flood of relief washed over him, and it took him a long moment to realize that there was weight rolling off of him. The weight of guilt and self loathing that he'd been carrying since that horrible phone call telling him that Brady died. He buried his face in his knees and cried, clutching the paper, the proof that it wasn't his fault. Bella got up and kissed the top of his head, and squeezed his shoulder, before leaving the room. Slowly, the tears stopped, and he caught his breath. He sniffled and sucked in one breath after another.

"Hey, calm down. Edward, slow. One breath at a time. You're going to hyperventilate." Jacob pulled him into a hug. "Shhh, it's okay. You're okay." Exhaustion hit Edward hard, and he melted into the hug. Jacob's heartbeat, strong and steady, centered him. He rested his cheek on Jacob's shoulder. He could barely hold his eyes open, much as he tried.

"Here," Bella said. She handed Jacob a mug of something. Edward caught the scent of peppermint. He reluctantly let go of Jacob and took the mug, sipping carefully. He rested his head back against the window, and Jacob kept a hand on his back. "Do you think you could try to eat something?" Bella asked. Edward shrugged. She left again, and Jacob took the mug, and drew Edward close again.

"You thought you got him sick?" He asked. "Is that why you don't get close to anybody anymore?"

"I mean, yeah. Why else would things like what happened with Eric happen? Or my family?"

"What exactly _did_ happen with Eric and your family?" Jacob asked. Edward sighed.

"I told my parents I was trans. They said there was no place for that kind of thing in their house, and that I'd better watch myself, or there wouldn't be a place for me, either. And then they must have told Tony, or he heard or something. Anyway, he sent out a text blast that outed me to most of the school. It's a catholic school, very traditional. And not at all LGBT friendly. His friends, who happen to be all the athletes and popular kids, decided to make the weird trans kid pay for lying to them. And it spiraled out of control. At the time, I was dating Eric, and he broke up with me and was a part of that group. I mean, what he did wasn't any different than what the rest of them did, but it hurt more, because he used to tell me he'd love me no matter what. I know it's what kids say when they're young and dumb, but it still felt like a betrayal."

"Do you worry that I'm going to do that to you?"

"Of course," Edward said. "You've never made sense to me. It's like, this can't be true because you're too good." Jacob sighed.

"Edward, I'm not too good. I'm just sick of people I care about getting hurt. And I want someone to care about. Besides, despite what you think, you're not a hard person to love."

"Why don't you have the same issues that Brady and the others have?"

"What, like anxiety and issues with sex and stuff?" Edward nodded. "I do. It's just more manageable than it was for Brady. But I don't like meeting new people. And the idea of sex, for the most part, doesn't appeal to me."

"But we-" Edward gestured with his hand.

"I said for the most part. I like the idea of stuff with you, but that's it. I don't know. I guess I just don't feel as broken as Brady did. But I was older, and I had a childhood before all that, that I remember, and I had my brother and Sam and Jared and Brady there with me. Maybe I'm just lucky."


	16. Chapter 16

**Edward**

The food switch turned back on in Edward's head. He wasn't sure exactly how else to explain it. One minute, he was denying himself everything that was supposed to give him comfort, or take care of him, and then next, he could eat. He wandered into the kitchen where Bella was cooking, and grabbed a fork, picking at the pan the way he used to. She shooed him away, before glancing up as if she didn't believe her eyes.

"Get a plate," she scolded. "No, get four plates. Set the table." He and Jacob waited at the table while she finished cooking. Dinner was easy. They all seemed to relax and enjoy dinner, in a way that they couldn't before. Once dinner was over, Bella and Mike went off to take care of the baby and get ready for bed. Edward found himself in the living room, and his thoughts wandered to weeks ago. Christ was it only weeks ago?

_Edward couldn't believe that he'd slept late. Today of all days, he wanted to get up early. He was just pulling a hoodie over his shirt when his mom called up the stairs._

"_Elizabeth, Mike is here, but he said to hurry or you'll have to walk."_

"_I'm coming!" Edward took one last look in the mirror and grabbed his coat. He followed Mike out to the car, where Michael was cooing in the car seat. The drive to Bella's house was short, but Edward was a bundle of nerves. Months of talking to Brady through text and chat and over the phone were culminating in this one meeting. What if Brady didn't like him? What if Brady was expecting something completely different, and Edward didn't measure up? _

_They pulled up, and Mike reached to the back seat and handed Edward a paper bag of muffins. Edward followed him as he got the car seat, and they walked up to the house together. _

"_When did it get so cold?" Mike asked as they walked up the porch steps. Edward shrugged and shivered. _

"_Come in," Bella said, opening the door for them. She took the car seat and shut the door as they took their coats off and hung them up on the hooks. "He's in the kitchen," she said. Of course she could read him like a book. Nevermind the anxious conversations he'd had with her about this meeting. She and Mike went to the living room with the baby, and Edward was left standing in the hallway. He went to the kitchen, where Brady was sitting, writing in a journal. Jellybean lay sprawled on the table, her tail moving lazily. Edward hesitated for a minute, watching him. He was even more beautiful than the pictures. Black, silky hair in sharp contrast to pale skin. Edward swallowed hard and cleared his throat. Brady stopped writing as Edward came in, but he didn't say anything. _

"_Hi," Edward said, stepping forward uncertainly. "I'm Edward…" Finally, Brady looked up. "Can I sit?" Edward asked. Brady nodded and cleared his papers away, glancing toward the other chair. Edward sat down, not at all sure what to say. "Me and Mike brought food," he said lamely, belatedly remembering that he was still holding the paper bag. Brady glanced at it, but it was Jellybean who got up and went over. She sniffed the bag and tried to tear it open with her teeth. "Can I pet her?" Edward asked longingly. He loved cats, but his parents wouldn't let him have one. Brady nodded, watching, and Edward offered his hand to the cat. Jellybean wasn't shy, and she came right up to him, rubbing her cheeks on his hand. _

"_She likes you," Brady said after a minute, watching with a curious and sad expression. "I heard somewhere that cats are a good judge of character…" He sounded wistful. "What kind of food did you bring?" He asked after a minute. Edward looked at the bag, laying on the table and practically forgotten. _

"_Muffins, I think," he said. Reluctantly, he got up to get plates. Jellybean sat on the table and waited for him to come back. He brought a couple plates to the table. Jellybean went over and sniffed it the bag again, and Brady took one out and broke off a piece for her. "Should she be eating that?" Edward asked. Brady shrugged. _

"_She's a spoiled princess who likes this a lot better than cat food." Edward laughed, and Brady looked startled, but his face relaxed into a smile too. "So... What's so special about Christmas?" Edward stared at him, open mouthed. _

"_Are you saying that you never celebrated Christmas before?" Brady looked down at the table, not sure how to respond. "Sorry…" Edward said, realizing what it sounded like. "I just meant that we're gonna have to make this year really special to make up for… before." _

"_Why do you like Christmas?" Brady asked, looking straight at Edward for the first time. _

"_It's pretty…" Edward said after a minute. "Yeah, it's really pretty…" He groaned internally, knowing how stupid he sounded, but he'd totally lost his train of thought._

"_I know what you mean," Brady said, looking away. "Oh! Jeez, I'm sorry!" He said, standing up. Jellybean had taken her chance and grabbed a muffin out of the bag, jumped off the table, and streaked off down the hall to the bedroom. _

"_It's fine," Edward said, sitting back in his chair. "Do you like Christmas carols?" He asked, deciding not to ask what he was thinking at the last moment. Brady sat back down, frowning thoughtfully. _

"_I don't know…" _

"_Come on, let's go see if Bella has her Christmas cds out yet." Edward got up and went to the living room. Bella and Mike were playing with Michael. Brady followed him, and caught sight of Michael, so happy and innocent, unaware of anything bad in the world. He stood partly behind Edward, not paying attention to what Edward and Bella were saying. _

"_You can come closer," Mike said, looking at Brady. Brady looked up, as if he was caught doing something wrong. He shook his head and took a step back. _

"_Maybe later," he said. Mike shrugged._

"_Suit yourself," he said. _

"_Why don't you put these on in here and hang out for a while. We have to go out and get some food and stuff for the next couple days," Bella said, holding a few CD cases. Brady looked at her with wide eyes. Hannah was at work, and now Bella was leaving him here with a stranger? Even if it was Edward. And they'd technically known each other for months. "Don't worry. You'll be fine." She said, reading his expression. Finally, he nodded and sat down on the couch. Jellybean jumped up and curled up in his lap, licking her lips. _

"_I'm still mad at you," he said to her. "You stole Edward's muffin." She purred smugly and ignored him. "It's a wonder you're not a million pounds by now," he grumbled. "I think muffins are just cupcakes in disguise," Brady said, looking over at Edward. He was rewarded with Edward's easy laugh. But there was something nagging at Edward, and now that they were alone, Edward wanted to ask it. Just, how to phrase it, was the question._

"_Do you um… Ever like somebody but you're not sure if they like you back?" He asked after a minute, holding his breath. _

"_Yes…" Brady said slowly, wondering about this line of questions. "But they never like me back, so I learned not to get my hopes up." _

"_What if they did like you back? What would you do?" Edward asked. He was curious suddenly. _

"_Probably be scared," Brady said quietly. "Most people want stuff that's more than I can give them…" _

"_What if they didn't want anything, they just wanted you to be happy?" Edward asked, not daring to look over at Brady. _

"_I don't know what that means." Brady looked down at his hands. Girly hands, he'd always been told. Why would anyone like him? He was weird and skinny and shy, and he didn't like girls. But he couldn't admit that to anybody, especially not somebody who wanted to be his friend. And most of all, not to someone that he might want to be more than his friend. He sighed, and Edward looked over at him. "I think… That we shouldn't be friends…" He said, forcing himself to keep his voice even. Everything in him wanted to say, "No, never mind. I really like you!" But that was exactly the problem. He'd been nervous about this meeting for a long time, and he was sure that just because Edward was nice and cute, and had pretty green eyes, it didn't mean that he was at all interested in Brady. _

"_What…?" Edward was stunned. "But I thought… We're friends…" _

"_I don't want to ruin this…" Brady whispered, bringing his arms around himself tightly. _

"_But what's to ruin?" Edward said. "Is it because Bella told you I'm trans? Cause if it's that big of a deal for you, then I won't talk about it." _

"_No… It's me and that I… Wait…" Brady turned to Edward, his eyes wide. "You don't care…? About… all the stuff from my past?" Edward shook his head. _

"_Why would I care? It's not like we don't all have our demons. You have more than most people, but still." Edward bit his lip. "I'm confused. I sort of thought you liked me."_

"_I do…" Brady said. This was the last thing he ever would have expected. "More than I should." _

"_Why are there rules? Why can't you just like whoever you want to like?" Edward asked. _

"_In a perfect world, it might work like that. But it doesn't in the real world." _

"_It could," Edward said. Brady looked at him, noting the change in his voice. He sounded like he had an idea, and Brady wasn't sure if it was a good one or not. He watched Edward go to the stereo and turn on the music. This had to be Christmas carols. It matched the decorations, sort of. If the decorations had voices, this was what they would sound like. Edward came back over and sat next to him, taking his hand. Brady let him, noticing the little thrill that ran through him when Edward touched him. "Don't be afraid."_

"_You say that as if it's easy…" Brady muttered, looking down at their hands. He looked up at Edward's face, and for the first time, he realized that Edward looked at him as if he was something special. Beautiful even. Slowly, without really realizing it, he reached out and touched Edward's cheek with his other hand. Edward closed his eyes, and Brady traced his lips with a fingertip. Edward looked at him and he pulled his hand away. _

"_I won't hurt you…" He said, holding Brady's hand more firmly. _

"_You promise?" Brady asked, his voice barely above a whisper. _

"_I promise." Edward sounded so sure, so confident. Brady searched his face, but there wasn't any trace of doubt. He laced his fingers with Edward's and squeezed a little. It didn't seem like much, but to Edward, it meant everything. It meant that Brady was willing to try; to trust him, and he knew he would do anything to keep that trust. _

Edward blinked when Jacob sat down next to him. Jacob who had given so much already, to Edward, to his brother, to the rest of them. How was Jacob so _good_?

"What are you thinking about?" Jacob asked, handing Edward a mug of tea.

"Christmas."

"He told us about Christmas," Jacob said, an easy smile crossing his face. "He was so excited. And for Brady, that was something you didn't see every day."

"Can I ask you something? Edward asked.

"Of course." At the last second, though, Edward chickened out of what he was going to ask.

"Do you mind if I stay with you tonight?"

"Of course not," Jacob said, wrapping an arm around him.


	17. Chapter 17

**Jacob**

Jacob watched as Edward built a fire in the fireplace. He'd never had a reason to use a fireplace before: honestly, he'd never even seen one in real life, so to see it now was an experience. Edward came back to the couch, and they sat in quiet for a long time, neither of them feeling the need to talk. The house grew quiet around them. Hannah, Bella and Mike all had reasons to get up early the next morning. So did Edward, but he didn't make any move to go to bed, and Jacob wasn't in the mood to push him. He thought back to his last conversation with Sam.

"_Do you think you're going to look for a place for yourself?" Sam asked. The idea had crossed Jacob's mind, but he wasn't sure what he thought about it. It was one thing to come here for Edward and help him recover, but it was different to look at the long term. _

"_I don't know," he said, doubt creeping into his voice._

"_Well, you can't stay with Bella forever, can you?" Sam said, as though it were obvious to him that Jacob would look at the long term._

"_Well, I just… You know, I thought that when this was all over, I'd go back to Clearwater." _

"_Is it heading that direction?" Sam asked carefully. _

"_Not yet, but there's no telling what-"_

"_Jacob," Sam gave a sigh. "It doesn't hurt to hope for what you want." _

"_I know," Jacob said. But deep inside, he knew Sam was wrong. It was all well and good for Sam, he thought. He'd had Jared almost from day one. But Jacob didn't see the same thing happening for himself. He could see the way this played out, had watched it happen in his mind's eye a million times. Yes, He and Edward were happy now. But sooner or later, this would end and Edward would move on, and there would be no need for Jacob anymore. _

Jacob blinked when he felt the gentle pressure of Edward's hand on his. He glanced down, and then laced his fingers in Edward's.

"Aren't you tired?" He asked. Edward shrugged.

"Not really." But then he yawned, his body betraying him.

"Go on to bed," Jacob said. "I'm going to stay here for a while and keep an eye on the fire."

"You don't have to," Edward said. The fire was burning low anyway, so Edward took the shovel and spread out the glowing embers, letting them go out by themselves. He sat back down next to Jacob, and they watched the glow slowly die. As the last sparks died, it struck Jacob that he was going to lose Edward. He was sure of it. In the bedroom, Edward flopped down across the bed. Jacob watched him, and he couldn't help the smile that crossed his face. Happy Edward was just so… different from sick Edward, even though nothing had really changed from the day before. Edward was still tiny, still looked like a strong wind could break him. Physically, he hadn't changed at all, and yet he seemed so happy. And this was what Jacob wanted for him. He was changing in the bathroom when he heard his ring tone.

"Can you get that?" He asked. At this hour, the only person calling him would be Sam.

"Hello?" Edward's voice from the other room. "Yeah, he's just changing. Yeah, of course. Here you go," Edward said, handing the phone to Jacob when Jacob came in.

"Hey, what's going on?"

"Jacob, we just talked to Detective Walters. They just found your mom." If Jacob didn't know Sam as well as he did, he would not have believed the words he just heard.

"My mother is dead," he said.

"No, she isn't. Walters is going to Cincinnati to talk to you about it. He should be there tomorrow."

"They're wrong," Jacob repeated. "This is some kind of mistake."

"I wanted to give you a heads up," Sam said. "I know this is a shock. I didn't want you to get the visit from Walters and be completely unprepared."

"Put me on video. I need to talk to Embry," Jacob said. Sam hesitated.

"He's not here," he said. "He took off this morning, and he hasn't been back." Jacob wasn't surprised. Embry was never one for close connection, even before everything. Eventually, when Sam knew he couldn't do any more good, he hung up. Edward sat on the bed, looking like he wished he could give some excuse to leave. Jacob couldn't stay here. He was going to say or do something he regretted if he didn't get out now. He dropped the phone on the bedside table, and picked up his coat.

"Where are you going?" Edward asked.

"I don't know," Jacob said. "I don't care."

"I'm coming with you," Edward said, getting up immediately.

"You have school in the morning," Jacob said, a bitter taste in his mouth.

"I don't care," Edward shook his head.

"No. You need to put your own priorities first, and I need some time to process this on my own." Reluctantly, Edward sat back down. Jacob left, quiet as a shadow past the other bedrooms. He stalked out to his car, backed out of the driveway, and just drove. Rage grew inside him, rage that he couldn't continue to push down. He wasn't shocked that they'd found his mother. And he knew that Embry wasn't either. He knew it, because he'd always known she wasn't dead. They both did. And after the rescue, it was an unspoken agreement between them never to talk about it. He pulled off the side of the road and rested his head back against the headrest, and closed his eyes. So there mom was back in the picture. He thought back to when he'd last seen his mother. At that theme part, walking away. But she hadn't just walked away. She'd set up the kidnapping. And from what Embry had found out since they'd been rescued, she wanted to have some kind of ransom scenario that would serve to further their father's career with a heavy sympathy vote, but what she did instead was allow her sons into a world of the lowest of human depravity. Embry had found her, back in Moscow, living her life. And initially, he wanted to reach out and ask her why, but Jacob was the one who told him they shouldn't. They didn't need to know why. It didn't matter. Still, Jacob knew that there was an arrow in Embry's quiver that had her name on it. It became easier to just say she was dead, though, because she was dead to them. Now that she was back in the picture, they would have to tell the others. He knew that Sam would understand, but it was a conversation he didn't want to have.

He sighed. It was so, so much. He wanted to just let it all go. His phone buzzed, and this time, it was a video chat request from Embry. He answered immediately.

"What the fuck happened? He asked, turning the overhead light on so his brother could see his face.

"She found detectives. Apparently, Dad was having an affair, and the woman who died in the accident with him was the mistress. The news about our escape reached Moscow, and she came back to the states," Embry signed.

"So, what did you tell the detectives?"

"The truth," Embry said. "I told them about the staged kidnapping that turned out to be real, and that she was responsible."

"Good," Jacob said. That was something, then.

"She wants to meet us," Embry signed. "I told the detectives that there was no way in hell we'd be willing to meet her." Jacob tried not to let his expression change, but Embry was too perceptive. "What, you want to meet her?" He asked.

"I want answers," Jacob said. "I want to know why."

"You're just poking a sleeping beast," Embry said. "Fine, meet with her. Get your answers. I will not be joining you. I never want to see her face again."

"Are you sure?" Jacob asked, not sure if he was asking if Embry was fine with him meeting their mother, or fine with not coming with him. Embry's face softened.

"I'm sure. If you think it would help you to find closure and peace, then I think it would be good for you. Either way, as long as you come out of it with what you want, it would be worth it. Just be careful."

Jacob drove back to Bella's house, feeling… he wasn't sure. His mother was back. He'd wanted this chance for so long, to ask her _why_, and how could she? And now, here was his chance. His only question now was, did he really want to know? He made his way through the dark house, to his bedroom. The light was on, and he wasn't all that surprised to see Edward awake, reading in the bed. He stood in the doorway for a long minute, and then crossed to the bed and sat down. He took his time with his shoes and coat, and didn't answer right away when Edward asked him if he was okay. Finally, still in his jeans and shirt, he lay back against the pillow.

"I don't know," he said. "But I need to tell you something."


	18. Chapter 18

**AN: Oh my god, people are reading this. holy crap. Hi people! So glad you're liking it. Love you all 3 **

**Jacob**

Jacob woke up the next morning to Edward getting out of the bed.

"Where are you going?" He asked, blearily groping for his phone to check the time. 7:00.

"School," Edward said.

"Hang on, I'll drive you," Jacob said, shoving off the blankets. He regretted that almost the moment he did it, but the sudden chill woke him up enough to go to the bathroom and splash some water on his face. Outside, the shock of cold hit them, waking Jacob up completely, and much faster than the coffee that Bella brewed and had ready for them.

"What time are you finished today? I'll pick you up," Jacob said.

"Around four? I'm not sure. I have track after school. I'll text you," Edward said. They pulled into the line of cars dropping off students. Edward shrank down in his seat a little as he spied his mother in her car, watching for him. She saw them at almost the same moment, and her eyes narrowed in an expression that could freeze ice. Jacob glanced from her to Edward.

"Don't worry. It'll be fine. She can't complain, since you're here like she asked."

"Yeah, I guess," Edward said. He got out of the car and jogged inside. Jacob waited in the line of cars until he reached the exit, and then he resigned himself to go meet with the detective. They planned to meet at a restaurant, a little cafe near Edward's school. He knew that if the detective was here, then his mother probably was, too, and strangely, he didn't feel anything. He expected to feel some kind of anxiety or fear, but he didn't. He was early, so he ordered coffee, and sat down to wait. He was scrolling through a web feed, when Detective Walker came up to his table. He gestured toward the seat across from him.

"Jacob, it's a pleasure to meet you." Jacob shook his hand. "I have some-" Jacob stopped him there. Until this moment, he wasn't sure what he wanted to say, but now it hit him.

"You should have left things buried," he said. "My mother is not someone I want in my life, so take her back where you found her, and leave her there." Detective Walker was definitely not expecting that. He started to speak, but Jacob wasn't finished. "I'm not sure what she told you, and frankly, I don't care. But she is directly responsible for what happened to my brother and I, whether she intended to be or not." He felt, more than saw, someone else approach the table. A woman, as blond as he was, with eyes the precise same grey as Embry's. He would know his mother anywhere, and expected to have some kind of emotion toward her, but he still felt nothing. "Mother," he said, radiating cold.

"Don't speak to me like that," she said, sitting down next to him. Her accent was heavy, and he remembered how she used to use "I'm still your mother. Look at you, how you've grown." He pressed his lips together to stop himself saying what he really felt, but then he realized he shouldn't have to. He stood up, taking advantage of his full height.

"You do not deserve the title of mother. A mother does not do the things you did." Detective Walker was looking back and forth between the two of them, confused.

"Jacob, it was not supposed to happen the way it did. You are my children. I would never hurt you on purpose."

"And yet, we were hurt. And you are the reason it happened. Your words now mean nothing." He pulled out his phone and found a picture of Embry that showed the full extent of the scar across his neck. "This. You are responsible for this. Embry can't speak, and because you did what you did, he will never have his voice back." She looked at the picture as if mesmerized. She traced Embry's face with a fingertip, accidentally swiping to the left. The next picture was of Edward. Jacob jerked the phone back. That was none of her business. "I think we're done here," he said. "Try to contact me or my brother again, and I will tell the nice detective here everything."

"Jacob, wait," his mother started to say, but he had no interest in anything she said. He walked away. And in truth, he was walking away from more than just her. There was a lot he'd always assumed he would deal with eventually. It looked like this was that moment. He would never have the opportunity to confront the people who had hurt him and his brother. And he didn't want it, even if it came. This chance to just walk away from all of it was what he wanted. He made it to his car, and sat in it for a long time. He felt drained. This meeting with the detective and his mother had taken no more than five minutes, but it was the longest five minutes of his life. Finally, he backed out of his parking space, and drove away from the cafe. He had a new home to look for.

**Edward**

Being back at school was weird for Edward. Almost all his friends had either graduated or were from a different state, but he'd never been a popular kid. Even before Tony outed him to the school, he never had that many friends. Somehow, he got through the day and managed to shower and change and leave without too many questions or comments his direction.

He decided to forgo track practice. Honestly, there was no way he could get through running multiple miles on coffee for breakfast and part of an apple for lunch. Once he was outside and free, he finally felt like he could take a breath. And there was Jacob, waiting for him. Of course, his mom was there, too.

"Elizabeth," she said, getting out of her car. "You need to let us know where you're going to be if you don't come home."

"I'm staying with Bella. Please, mom, just for a while. I need to-"

"Fine," his mom said.

"Fine?" Edward eyed her suspiciously.

"Yes. It's fine. Just be smart about it. You're old enough to make smart choices." His mother hugged him, and handed him a shopping bag. "Here, you could use some decent clothes," she said.

"...Thanks."

"Just so you know, we love you. We don't always agree with you, but we do love you."

"I know, mom."

"Go on, then. And don't forget to keep us posted on where you are at least daily." She got back in her car and drove off. Edward stood, watching her for a long moment, and then walked to Jacob's car.

"What was that all about?" Jacob asked.

"I think she just gave me her blessing," Edward said. He got in and put the bag and his backpack on the back seat. He turned to Jacob and finally exhaled.

"What?" Jacob asked.

"It's just really nice to see you," Edward said.

"It's nice to see you too. I want to show you something," Jacob said. He pulled out of the parking lot, and drove to an apartment complex, one of several that were new in the area, and parked. He led the way up the stairs to the second floor to an apartment, and unlocked the door. Inside was a new, unfurnished apartment, just waiting for someone to move in.

"What's this?" Edward asked.

"It's mine," Jacob said. "I thought that if I stayed with Bella too much longer, I'd probably outstay my welcome. But I was wondering if you'd… be interested in staying here?" Edward had been looking around the apartment, but he turned to Jacob at this.

"You want me to move in with you?" He asked, not quite daring to believe it.

"Yeah. I mean, for a few days or something, just until you're ready to go home." Jacob said quickly. Edward went to him and kissed him. If Jacob wanted to say anything else, the distraction sidetracked him. And then, as suddenly as the kiss began, Edward pulled away. What was this? What was he doing? Did he really feel this way, or was it just that Jacob was so… Jacob?

"Sorry. I just. I shouldn't have done that." He backed away, and this feeling that he'd totally betrayed Brady flooded through him. But when he looked at Jacob, all he saw was compassion. Jacob understood. He always understood.


	19. Chapter 19

**Today's writing brought to you by **** watch?v=oZvKJl1kK8g**

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**Edward**

Edward was sitting on Bella's sofa later, head in his hands when Bella came home.

"Hey," she said, setting down Michael's car seat, with the baby asleep inside. "You okay? How did school-" He shook his head, and her voice trailed off. "Edward, what's wrong?"

"I don't know what to do," Edward said. "I don't know what I'm supposed to feel right now." She sat down on the ottoman, facing him.

"Tell me what happened," she said. When he didn't speak, she put both hands on his shoulders and made him look at her. "Whatever it is, it can't be that bad."

"Okay. Hypothetically. Say, Mike died, and you were… sad, and everything. But then later, someone else came along and they were everything that you thought Mike was going to be for you. And they care about you and they're perfect. And you're so not perfect and you don't want to ruin things, and-" She stopped him.

"You're feeling something for Jacob, and you don't know how you feel about that, because of Brady," she summarized. "Well, Edward, he wanted you to find someone who would care about you, remember? He wanted that for you."

"But what if it means I didn't love him enough?" Edward asked.

"Of course you loved him enough. But he's gone. And now you have someone else who loves you and wants to be in your life," Bella said gently. "I can't give you the answers, but I can tell you that when life hands you a second chance, it's wise not to waste it. Besides, don't you think Jacob is hurting, too?" Guilt rushed through Edward, because, he admitted to himself, he hadn't even thought about it. Jacob had lost a best friend, and now his mother was back in the picture. And he was far away from his brother and the only other real family he had. To be with Edward.

"I have to go," Edward said, standing up abruptly. A smile crossed Bella's face as she tossed him her keys.

"I'll pick up the car later with Mike," she said.

"Thanks." Edward drove to the apartment, hoping that Jacob would be there. He thought back to earlier, when Jacob had suggested that he stay.

"_I just thought that this could be a place for you to get away from everything when you need to. Besides, as much as I appreciate Bella's hospitality, I want my own place." Overwhelmed and guilty were what Edward was feeling, and he didn't know what to say that wouldn't hurt Jacob. "Here, just take the spare key, and if you ever want to come by, you have it," Jacob said. _

"_I- thanks," Edward said, taking the key. _

"_Of course," Jacob said. "I bet you have some homework or something. Want me to take you to Bella's? I have some boring stuff to take care of, and I might as well get it done." They both got up, almost too eagerly, and Jacob drove Edward. He dropped him off, and then didn't pull out until Edward got inside. _Edward could have kicked himself for not understanding the whole picture, or what it would mean to Jacob to open up his life like this. He parked, and took the stairs two at a time, and was out of breath when he reached the door. He paused for just a minute, before knocking. There was no answer, so he unlocked the door and pushed it open. The apartment was empty, and he looked around, disappointed. Was he too late? He decided to wait for Jacob to come back, and looked around the apartment for something to do, some way to help with the move in. It was still bare, for the most part. Jacob hadn't had time to get furniture yet, so the living room was empty. So was the bedroom, but a desk and a computer were set up in what was clearly to be the office. So maybe Jacob had plans to stay long term. Edward heard a key in the lock, and came out of the office, just as Jacob came in with some groceries. He stopped just inside the door when he saw Edward, and then went to the kitchen to put the bags down.

"I thought you weren't coming back," he said, keeping himself busy putting groceries away.

"I needed to think."

"And what did you come up with?" Jacob asked, still not facing him.

"I realized that I've been so focused on myself that I haven't given a second thought to what you're going through, and what you gave up to come here." Jacob turned to him, a frown crossing his face.

"If you think that I gave up something or didn't want to come for whatever reason, you're-"

"You did give up something. You gave up so many things. And not just for me," Edward said.

"Because I wanted to," Jacob said firmly.

"You don't have to always do that, though," Edward said, rounding the corner, and leaning against the counter. Jacob sighed. "You know, I realized today that as much as you've done, and as much time as we've spent together recently, I barely know anything about you." Jacob almost immediately seemed on his guard.

"What do you want to know?" He asked cautiously.

"Honestly? Everything." Jacob finished with the groceries, and then they went into the living room, and sat next to each other on the floor.

"Well… you know how I met Brady and ended up with those people."

"Do you remember… like, what they did to you?" Edward asked. Jacob closed his eyes and sighed.

"I remember everything. Every time it happened." The 'it' weighed heavy in the air. "But you don't want to hear about that," he said quickly.

"If it would help you to talk about it, I do."

"Edward, no one wants to hear about that. Everyone wants to hear the rescue miracle story. No one wants to hear the truth that a bunch of people were hurt, and probably will be damaged for the rest of their lives."

"But you're not damaged…" Jacob actually laughed.

"You don't think I'm damaged?" He paused, and then sighed heavily. "I have demons, the same way Brady did. Maybe there's something wrong with me that I can't show them the way him and the others do. Some… _thing_ that means that I can't show what's under the surface. I don't know. I think about it sometimes, but it almost seems like I shouldn't show people what I feel, because you all have your own problems, you know? You have your depression and food issues," he explained at Edward's furrowed brow. "Embry has no voice, and so much hatred inside him. Sam has a world of guilt and responsibility. Jared has… well, he's sick. And Brady's gone. Everyone has so much on their shoulders already. How can I justify putting more on to any of you? Even if you'd be willing to take it, why should you?"

"I think that you're going to burn out eventually if you don't share some of it with the rest of us," Edward said. How had he not seen this?

"Well, then at least it's me, not one of you," Jacob said.

"Are you serious? You're the glue that's holding everyone together. Sam said so, so did your brother. And Bella. Everyone relies on you. Probably more than we should." Jacob shrugged. That part, he liked. It was so easy to feel useless when he had no power to stop the people he cared about from getting hurt, but to know that he did have a purpose helped him a lot. "What was it like for you?" Edward asked, point blank.

"It was… Dark. Physically dark, no matter where I was. After they took Embry away, there was a lot of what people would call conditioning. Sort of like training me to be who or what they wanted." He paused to gather his thoughts. "At first, it was just isolation. Even though I was scared, and I didn't know what was going to happen, or what happened to my brother, I could deal with it. And then, after a couple of weeks, maybe a month, they took me to what they called my first lesson." Jacob told Edward everything he remembered, outlining years of mental, physical and sexual abuse. He pinpointed the causes - his mother set up the kidnapping believing that the result would be a large ransom that she would receive, along with her children. It went wrong, because she chose the wrong people to carry it out, going to an actual child sex ring, instead of just some petty theives. His voice took on a tone of disgust when he talked about his mother, and it was clear that not only was there no love left for her, there was quite a bit of hatred. "I never thought I'd see Embry again. I was sure he was gone forever, but then about a year later, they took me somewhere new. We called it a holding cell. Brady was there, and then they brought Sam and Jared. And then, there was Embry. He was covered in blood, and we were sure he was going to die. With an injury like that, how could he not. But we managed to stop the bleeding somehow, and he was weak for a long time, but he recovered." Jacob took a deep breath. "And then Brady was rescued. It was immediate panic, and it was clear to everyone that the whole thing was falling apart. Brady must have told them every detail, because the raid that came for us happened within a day. I have no doubt that if our handlers had the chance, they would have killed us. Now, it doesn't matter, because everything's out in the open, but those people are cowards, and they never want to face up to what they've actually done."


	20. Chapter 20

**Benji**

He stood in the shower, in the pitch black. In the past week or so, life had sent so many curve balls his way, and he felt like a sponge being wrung out with nothing left to give. This was the first time in days that he could get a minute to process what happened.

It started last week, when Alexei got that apartment. Things were going to be great - it felt like the universe was telling him that he could have another happy ending. Maybe Lukas was right, that things like that weren't limited. But that day, that started out with so much hope, came crashing down on him before he had a chance to process it. His phone started going off just after they went for dinner that evening. His parents. So, of course he had to answer. And what they told him threw him off balance.

"Bethany, we need you to come home. Your sister is in a mental facility in Tennessee." Shock made him not question what his mother was telling him. His sister. He hadn't heard from her in ten years, since she met some creep at her school and decided that a relationship with him was worth more than relationships with her family. Over the last ten years, they'd kept track of her and what she was up to, but it was clear that one bad choice led to another and another, until her life was unrecognizable. Having been adopted, she had an idea of her, (and Benji's) birth mother. Benji was too young when they were adopted to remember this woman, or to have any emotional connection to her, but his sister, Areana, wasn't, and had that emotional bond that is so hard to break, even when that bond leads to a child experiencing terrible things. Over the past ten years, Areana had had multiple partners, and lived in countless places, always going back to their birth mother, a woman named Tammy. Tammy was a rootless soul, who's greatest love was whoever her current boyfriend/fiance/fuckbuddy was. She did not care about her offspring, and now it seemed, she was ready to cut and run, and leave Areana behind. The story that emerged was that Areana attempted suicide, and was admitted to the psych hospital, and the hospital couldn't discharge her until she had a stable home address. Which was why they called Benji's parents.

When Benji got home, they were all sitting in the living room. Tony, his mother and father. He set his backpack down, and sat down across from them.

"We have to go," his mother was saying. "We have to go get her. She needs family." His father agreed, but they all knew that both his father and Tony wouldn't be going. Work and college classes always came first. And didn't his mother have some big event she'd been planning forever, tomorrow? Anxiety began to creep up inside Benji. Tony and their dad got up, the understanding being that neither of them were needed for the rest of the conversation. Their mom turned to Benji. "Beth, we need you to step up for this," she said. There was no room for discussion. "She needs to be picked up tomorrow in Tennessee. You'll need to leave in the morning around six to get there in time for discharge." He opened his mouth to say something - _anything_, but nothing came to mind. Besides, she was already up and in the kitchen. He followed. "You'll have to meet up with Tammy to pick up Areana's things," she said, as if this was just stopping by a friend's house. As if this wasn't meeting his birth mother for, (for all intents and purposes), the first time in his life. As if this wasn't asking the world. And to do it alone. But what could he do? Some part of him shut down.

The next morning, he was up before the sun. It was supposed to be a beautiful day, but for now, it was cold. Really fucking cold. He would have called Alexei and told him what was going on - what he had to do, but he didn't know how to put words to what he was feeling. How was he supposed to feel? He was travelling 400 miles each way, to pick up a sister who he hadn't seen in a decade, who had done so much damage to their family, and to their relationship as siblings. And to meet a person who was singularly responsible for abandoning the two of them and four other kids after untold abuse. What was he supposed to feel? He honestly didn't know.

He was just pulling onto the highway when he remembered he'd left Alexei hanging. He'd left with barely a word, and he hadn't texted or called since. But it was too late to turn back, and he figured he'd just smooth things over later. Here's a secret about Benji: he loved to drive. Long trips were his favorite thing. He loved to just pull onto a highway and drive. It was absolute freedom. And today was a beautiful day to drive. He was heading South, crossing Kentucky to Tennessee, to a town called Clarksville. Where somewhere in a hospital the sister he never thought he'd consider a sister again, waited for him. And strangely, he didn't feel anything. He wasn't nervous. He wasn't anxious about what he was going to say. He wasn't upset. He felt nothing. Until, four hours later, two miles to the exit, when it all hit him at once. And all of the sudden, he needed something to take the edge off. He pulled off the exit and looked for the nearest fast food place. No one had the right to judge this.

Back on the road, feeling shaky but his head clear again, he followed the GPS to the hospital. He'd heard that his birth mother was living in a remodeled bus, but seeing that bus sent a wave of nausea through him. His stomach was empty, or he would have thrown up right there. He found a parking spot and pulled in, and texted his parents to let them know he'd made it. As he walked up to the hospital lobby, everything inside him was telling him to get back in the car and leave, but he'd come too far, and too much was expected from this to back out. So he clenched his hands and set his jaw, and went inside.

"Hi, I'm here to pick up my sister. She's supposed to be discharged today," he said, going to the desk. The two women in scrubs scrutinized him. Christ, he must look awful.

"Yeah, sure. What's her name and code?" One of them asked, her hands hovering over the keyboard.

"Yeah, sorry. 4304."

"She was already discharged. She's in the… um. Bus outside." The woman said.

"I was afraid of that," Benji said. He shoved his fists into his pockets to hide how much his hands were shaking. "I'm sorry. I just have to go meet this woman who abandoned me when I was a baby," he mumbled. He clenched his jaw and turned to go outside. It was the longest walk of his life, going down the gentle slope of the grass to where the bus waited in all its ominous glory. As he approached, he heard Areana's voice.

"Beth! Over here." He walked up to the bus, and there was Areana. She was the same as the last time he'd seen her, for a brief dinner that ended spectacularly badly last year. And their birth mother was next to her. And strangely, looking at this woman who represented everything he couldn't stand, he felt nothing. There was no moment of recognition. No feeling of connection. Nothing. Except he wanted to go somewhere, eat a shit ton of food, and then throw it up. And this time, it wouldn't be about suppressing his appetite. This time, it would be solely about feeling better. Somehow, he got through this, getting Areana's stuff, packing the car, smiling and talking to that… woman. She gave him pictures of when he was a baby, pictures of herself. A picture of his birth father. And still, he felt nothing. Just before they left, she asked for a hug. And he gave her one. Once they were on the road, it was easier, sort of. They had to get Areana's medications, and they had to stop for food. And then they were back on the road. They hit traffic just as they were pulling onto the highway, but he didn't care. As long as he didn't have to think too hard about what just happened, he would be fine. The trip home took hours longer than the trip going. He'd planned to be back by four. But about halfway through Kentucky, black clouds started to roll across the sky, and a colossal downpour came down out of nowhere. He couldn't see more than a few feet in front of him, and he couldn't see the lines on the road or the lights from other cars at all. Everything was a dark grey blur of rain. He punched the hazard lights and pulled over. The rumble strip told him he was on the shoulder of the road, and up ahead, he could make out the flashing lights of another car that pulled over to wait out the storm. They sat there in the car, with the rain pounding outside and the lights ticking inside, and waited. And all of the sudden, he had to get out of there. He mumbled something about needing air, cracked the door open, and dashed around the car and to the grass on the other side. He stood in the rain, completely soaked in less than a minute, eyes closed, forcing himself to breathe. In, and then out. "Breathe, Benji," he muttered. Slowly, the rain started to slow, and one by one, cars started to pull away from the side of the road. He had to get back into that car and drive. So he did what he had to do. He got back into the car, turned off the hazard lights, and waited for a break in traffic to pull out.

The rest of the trip was uneventful. They pulled into the driveway around midnight, and he showed Areana to where she was going to stay from now on, his old room, which he'd hastily moved out of a couple days before. He was in the basement, now, which honestly, he preferred. He spent the next hour bringing her stuff in, making sure she had something to eat, towels for her shower whenever she wanted to take it, and letting his parents know they got back safely. Once he could finally retreat to his room, he was wired. He'd never get to sleep now.


	21. Chapter 21

**AN: **Guys I have a present for you: a prequel that leads up to the start of this story. I'm currently rewriting the original so I can pitch it to publishers, but because you guys are awesome, I thought I'd give it to you in fanfic form. It's called The Memory, and you can find it here:

s/13370123/1/The-Memory-A-Twilight-Fanfiction

**Edward**

Edward was wired. He couldn't sleep, and the more he tossed and turned in his bed, the more awake he became. Finally, he got up and pulled on a hoodie and sweats, and slipped down the stairs and out the back door. He paused to lock it, and then went around the house to the street and jogged away from it all, the night air clearing his head. Music pounded in his ears, and he felt like he was drowning in it. Even with his eyes open, the rest of the world was cut off. He took his glasses off, and the blur helped to cut the world off even further. He could see enough to get to where he needed to go. The park near his home was his destination. Somehow, he always found his way here whenever something happened. It was his place. Not a happy place, since most of the time he came here when something bad happened, but it was a centerting place, where the world could be held at bay. He sat on one of the swings, watching the shadow he cast from the lightpost nearby. Back and forth, so predictable. Always there.

"_I am a lost boy from Neverland_

_Usually hanging out with Peter Pan_

_And when we're bored we play in the woods_

_Always on the run from Captain Hook_

_"Run, run, lost boy," they say to me._

_Away from all of reality" _The lyrics to the music coming out of his earbuds spoke to him on a spiritual level. Lost boy, that was exactly how he felt so much of the time. He glanced up when Jacob sat down on the swing next to his.

"We need to talk," Jacob said. Edward pocketed his earbuds. "I talked to the others. I'm going back to Florida." Edward closed his eyes and nodded. He wasn't surprised. "We just moved too fast," Jacob continued, trying to justify himself maybe. "I care about you, but this was a mistake." Edward watched the shadow, back and forth.

"You weren't a mistake," he said, still looking at his shadow.

"Edward, that's not-"

"You should go back," Edward interrupted him, getting up. "I'm not good for you. I think we both agree on that." He put his earbuds back in, and any response Jacob had was drowned out by the sudden opening notes of whatever song was queued next.

**Jacob**

Jacob watched Edward walk away, head bowed, arms wrapped around himself in an effort to keep himself together. He was conflicted. He didn't want to go back to Florida, or back to the way life was before. He wanted to believe that things could work. But if one side of this wasn't putting in the effort, then it was doomed to fail. And yet, how could he give up? How could he not want the future he could picture so clearly? And suddenly, the doubts and fears of the last few days melted away to the absolute certainty that this was worth the effort. In just a few strides, he stopped Edward, turned him around and crashed their lips together in a kiss that was a long time coming. At first, Edward was stiff and unresponsive, but Jacob was unrelenting. Giving up was not in his nature, and he wasn't going to start now. Didn't love count for something? Edward wrenched himself away, chest heaving, and backed away several steps. Without glasses, he had to squint.

"I thought you were leaving?" He said, an odd note to his voice.

"I can't go," Jacob said. "I can't give up on this."

"I can't be what you want," Edward said. "I'll hurt you."

"You are everything I want," Jacob said, stepping closer. Emmett's voice played through his mind.

"_Edward will push everyone away if he thinks it's best for them."_ Edward backed up another step.

"No I'm not," he said, his voice cracking.

"I knew it from the first moment I met you," Jacob said, stepping forward again. Edward tried to step back, but the frame of the swingset stopped him.

"I don't want to hurt you," he whispered.

"You can't. I've already been to hell and back, and I survived. Nothing you can do would hurt me." He took another step, and cupped Edward's cheek in his hand, and lifted his chin so they were looking at each other. "Let me love you," he said. Solid, sure of himself, and this time with Edward willing, he kissed him, running a hand down Edward's lower back to pull him close. "Christ, you're freezing," he said, breaking the kiss abruptly. "Come on." Edward followed him to where his car was parked in the parking lot. They drove to the apartment building, where Jacob had abandoned his packing a couple hours before. Edward surveyed the boxes with a resigned look.

"You're really going, then?" He asked.

"I'm not sure," Jacob said. He pulled out a chair, and then went to the kitchen to get some mugs for tea. Edward sat down, and as the light hit his face, Jacob noted that the gaunt look that was a mark of eating disorders was back in his face. He set the mug down in front of Edward, and then sat with his own mug across from him. "So talk. What the hell happened? We were fine, and then you disappeared." So Edward told him about the trip to Tennessee, and everything that went along with it. Clarity was refreshing and infuriating at the same time. Refreshing because he could understand it all now. And infuriating because why the fuck didn't Edward come to him with any of this? "Why did you think you had to handle all this by yourself?" He asked. Edward's eyes flicked to his.

"What, as opposed to getting a rescue?"

"Sounds like you need it," Jacob said, sitting back.

"I'm not some damsel in distress," Edward said, folding his arms.

"I didn't mean it like that," Jacob said. "I just meant it's not the worst thing to need help."

"Yeah, well this time it's on me." Edward glanced at the clock, and then sucked in a breath. "I gotta go." He stood up and reached for the mug. "Ah, fuck!" The tea went everywhere as he dropped the cup, squeezing his hand shut in a fist. Jacob was up in a flash, reaching for him hand. "I don't need help!" Edward said, shrugging him off.

"Shut up and let me see it," he said, going to the refrigerator for some ice. Edward followed him, because what the hell was he supposed to do. Jacob wrapped ice in a dish towel and handed it to him. "Why don't you need help?" He asked. From his perspective, the one thing Edward needed more than anything was help. "So many people would help you if you let us." Edward let out a heavy breath.

"I… am toxic. All you're seeing is a mask, and when that goes away, you'll see me for who and what I really am, too." Now it was Jacob's turn to sigh.

'I've seen toxic," he said. He lifted Edward to sit him on the counter so they were eye to eye. "I've seen evil. I've seen everything that you believe you are. The thing is, I don't see them in you. You're not who you think you are. Just because you believe something doesn't make it fact. And eventually, you'll see the truth that everyone else sees."


End file.
